It’s time for our
monsters, darlings that is, to head BACK TO SCHOOL. Yippidy do da. Whether us parents want to admit it or not we are secretly cheering inside. Seriously, I’ve got to give some props to all those teachers out there. I really don’t know how they do it.
Let’s face it, we are all fed up with summer. The car is full of sand from the beach, I’m sick of buying sunblock, and we lost half of the pool toys. I’m tired of all of the fighting over who is going to sit where on the couch and what they are going to watch on TV.
Yes, I will miss my kiddos when they go back to school, but I think I will get over it pretty quickly.
Let all us parents unite in a cheer and toast to our good back to school fortune.
Although I will be rejoicing as I pull up in the drop-off line on the 1st day of school, the lazy days of summer will be over and be replaced by the craziness of homework and school activities.
Here are 10 tips to help you save your time and sanity during the back to school season:
Ladies and gentlemen, AMAZON is your best friend.
They literally sell every damn thing in the world on Amazon. If you can’t find it there then it hasn’t been invented yet. Buy all of your back to school supplies in the comfort of your own home in your PJ’s or without pants on if that’s your thing.
Do not try to look for deals on school supplies.
If you happen to still live in the 1970s and don’t use Amazon I beg of you to not even attempt to find this shit on sale. Just go to 1 store and buy it all at once. Trust me, in the long run, it won’t matter that it cost you a fortune because it will save hours of time that you already do not have.
If the teacher asks for Kleenex, buy the damn Kleenex.
You know how annoying your kids are right? Imagine dealing with 20 kids who don’t belong to you all day every day. Enough said. I will buy THAT TEACHER diamonds if she wants them.
Resign yourself to the fact that you graduated college yet you have no idea how to do 5th-grade math.
Just accept the defeat and move on.
Rise and shine trick of the trade.
Tell your kids that tomorrow is the weekend every night when you put them to bed. They will be up at the ass crack of dawn without you having to drag them out of bed.
Enjoy some “me” time.
Find a pool and go float around in it all day by yourself without having to listen to “watch this” or “he splashed me” on replay.
Take the time before school starts and label all of their shit.
It seems like a huge waste of time now, but trust me it’s worth it. I can’t tell you how many water bottles we lost last year and it totally sucks to have to search through the disgusting lost and found bin 15 times a month. Just label their shit and it gets magically returned to them.
Give up on making the perfect PINTEREST cupcakes for the school bake sale.
Put store-bought cupcakes on a cute little dish, throw on some sprinkles, and call it a day. Put a little frosting on your shirt so that when you drop them off at school it looks like you have been slaving in the kitchen all day.
Just let them buy the school lunch already.
I know you want to make sure that your kids eat a healthy lunch every day at school. Cutting sandwiches into cute little shapes and packing bento style lunch boxes every day gets old real quick. Just throw them some money and let them eat school lunch. Ketchup counts as a vegetable right?
Remember, school time means earlier bedtime for kids.
You can use the excuse that “it’s a school night,” so they have to GO TO BED EARLY. This means you get an extra 1-2 hours every night to binge-watch Netflix and eat all of the snacks that you are hiding from them.
The lesson to be learned here is all you moms out there enjoy your free time while you can. In a few hours, the kids will be home and your evenings will be filled with packing school lunches and endless amount of homework that you don’t understand. Thanks learning, thanks.
Happy Back to School.