6 Thanksgiving Time Sucks You Ain’t Got Time For, Momma



It’s that time of year again: Thanksgiving. If you’re a mom this can be a wonderful holiday for celebrating family and being together. It can also be a Prozac-inducing food fest that causes anxiety hives and the purchase of industrial-size bottles of wine (we can dream). Well, get your hand out of the poultry’s hind end for just a minute and listen up. You do not need to be a clucking wonder woman! Not this year, momma!

Relax and enjoy! Here are 6 Thanksgiving time sucks you aint’t got time for:

Basting the Bird

Is this 1940? Do you even own a basting syringe? If you answered ‘yes’ to either of these questions you’re either 1) my mother or 2) seriously out of touch with modern baking techniques. Sista’, quit basting and bag that bird instead. These mini Hefties cost less than the therapy you’ll need after shoving a plastic needle into a carcass and produce one of the juiciest turkeys you’ll ever taste. You won’t regret the decision.

Baking from Scratch

If you have your hands full with work and kids or both, because they’re kinda the same, why stress yourself out over creating Grandma’s mile-high apple pie from scratch? You have a lifetime of Thanksgivings ahead of you. Save the hardcore, flour-to-the-roller baking for when you have more time and less little hands wanting your attention. It’s okay to let go and buy a pie from your local bakery or supermarket. Or rolls. Or cookies. AND CAKE! Oh my gobbles, don’t forget the cake.

Perusing Pinterest

For the love of all things uncrafty, do NOT log on to Pinterest on Thanksgiving eve! Half the shit you find on there took some disgruntled mother sixty days to make and she lost her marbles in the process. Pinterest is a playground for the imagination and for those WITHOUT KIDS HANGING OFF THEIR FEET! Save yourself some hot glue gun burns. Go to the Dollar Store and buy a pop-up Mayflower, and BAM, you’re done.

Opting for Fancy Tablecloths and Fine China

You will not disappoint June Cleaver if you opt for a paper (or plastic) tablecloth and some heavy duty paper plates. Imagine the time you’ll save tossing everything into a trash bag, rather than standing at a kitchen sink. Use that time to savor the memories and cuddle your monsters.

Declining Offers of Help

If you have family coming for Thanksgiving, under no circumstances should you say no to requests to help. If they’re willing to bring a side dish or dessert, let them. If they want to pick up a bottle of wine along the way, great. Jumping up to help do the dishes? Why nudge them out of the kitchen? LET THEM HELP! Sure, they’re guests. But they’re also being really good guests by executing some good old-fashioned manners. Emily Post would be quite impressed. So put your Wonder Woman attitude away, and graciously accept the offers.

Getting the Kids Too Dressed Up

Little ones need to be changed every 2.6 seconds. They’re constantly making messes, spilling things, and running off with dirty utensils. Don’t go overboard and get them too frilly and suited up. Sure, Thanksgiving is a special day and it’s nice to have everyone looking their best. But how crazy do you want to make yourself? How crazy do you want to make the kids, who will reach a point of meltdown just in time for turkey dinner? Keeping them clean … it’s a battle you’ll lose. Choose comfort over Calvin on this special day.


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