Do you want to know why stay at home moms are depressed? Let me tell you.
Today I woke up early to make my birthday child French toast. I wanted to do it. I was HAPPY to do it.
I got three kids ready for school and out the door by myself, headed to the gym, raced home to shower and spent an hour putting all the stuff away all over my house.
I ran the dishwasher that didn’t get run last night.
I then spent my day single handedly pulling off all the magic that had to happen today, and tomorrow for family birthday party, and friend birthday party, and school treats for the class.
That included things like making my second trip to Target to return something my daughter rejected and buy something else I thought could replace it.
It didn’t work. So there is a third trip to Target in my future.
While there I also got party supplies, then stopped off at a different store to get balloons.
I came home and baked a cake, and did a little work on my computer and somewhere in there I did three loads of laundry and let the cat in and out of the house approximately 52 times.
I also managed to get dinner started at 4 PM so I could run my child to his cello lesson (and sit through it so I too can learn to play cello so I can help him practice) and then texted my oldest instructions on when dinner would be done while at the lesson so the house didn’t burn down.
Let’s not forget the fact that I’ve also volunteered this week at the kids school, and broken up fights, ran kids to and from friends’ houses, done homework, followed through with text messages, rearranged appointments, and I still have a party to run tomorrow after school.
I love my life. I’m grateful for the fact that I get to be a stay at home AND work at home mom and that I am privileged in many many ways.
And while all of this sounds stressful maybe, and not depressing per se – here’s why it can be depressing.
I haven’t heard a thank you all day. Not one.
I haven’t heard a, “Wow – you cooked that amazing meal, baked a cake, AND took a cello lesson virtually all at the same time?”
I haven’t heard a thank you for clean laundry in their closets, or clean floors.
I haven’t heard a thank you for the 9PM grocery trip when I’m bone tired to get the ice cream for tomorrow’s party.
I was ALONE all day running errands to please everyone but myself. Alone. Trying to live up to it all.
The truth is – I have good kids and a good husband. But, it’s depressing to be everything to everybody sometimes.
I’m not sure what I did for myself today at all.
In this photo – I’m a blur.
And, THAT’S how easy it is to get lost in motherhood.
THAT’S how easy it is to feel alone.
THAT’s how easy it is to have an entire day disappear and not know what you even did because you were so busy to take inventory.
But, today I took inventory and it was a hell of a lot of stuff.
I’m tired. I’m going to do it all tomorrow. I’m going to continue to be everything to everybody and I’ll take some time for myself in a few days when things slow down and birthday dreams are made and over.
Yes – this is a good life. But, it’s also not that hard to see why we crumble sometimes.
Why sometimes we wonder what we’re doing and how we became the personal assistant to literally everyone.
It’s easy when I do take the time to take the inventory and realize I am the backbone of this whole operation and that’s a heavy load to carry.
So, yeah. In a nutshell – I can see why stay at home moms (and working moms) get depressed.
It’s a good life. But, it’s not easy. And, sometimes it’s hard to see the reward through the the to do lists, apathy, and crumbs on the kitchen floor.