Just when I thought the world had gone to absolute shit, the gods of beautiful train-wrecks delivered the most majestically compiled shit-show and it’s everything you need in your life during these trying times.
Netflix’s new docuseries, Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness follows the life of Joe Exotic, an exotic zoo owner in rural America.
But, it’s not just animal rights activists vs. big cat owners in the US, this one literally has everything you could ever want in a binge-worthy series.
Murder? You got it.
Cults, sex, exotic animals, drugs, politics, shady business deals, unexplained arson, social media wars, jailhouse collect calls, homemade country music videos… IT HAS IT ALL.
AND. SO. MUCH. MORE.
Listen, I don’t know about you, but nothing restores my faith in humanity during a global pandemic like polygamy, tigers, mullets, cringe-worthy dental hygiene, mullets, meat grinders, meth mouth and listening to someone say, “Hey all you cool cats and kittens!” (Yes, she greets like that and YES, it’s fantastic.)
Netflix can stop asking me if I’m still watching because I simply can NOT look away from this masterpiece. It’s that good.
Being stuck at home with what feels like 203 kids, homeschooling nightmares, and zero social interaction may have clouded my judgement, but I doubt it.
The internet has spoken and everyone agrees, Joe Exotic and his love for tigers and multiple husbands coupled with his hatred for Carole Baskin was the pierced, bleached, jean-jacket-wearing hot mess express we were looking to jump on.
But it doesn’t end there.
When you feel empty inside because you spent an entire day glued to the TV ignoring your kids and all of their bullshit e-learning assignments, you can hop online and find GLORIOUS memes to remind you that when in doubt, the internet never disappoints.
(But, like, try to space this one out over a couple days, because, trust me, you’ll want it to last).
Here’s a few of my faves to get you started:
Me: I can’t stop thinking about, talking about, or reading about the coronavirus
— Mary (@maryyyyrosee) March 23, 2020
THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS FOR ANSWERING MARY AND MY PRAYERS!
— Trey Henry (@trey_henry) March 24, 2020
And I’ll be telling my kids that Carole Baskin is the witch from Narnia. And the wardrobe was bedazzled as fuck.
— Loomdog (@LOOMTHElegend) March 23, 2020
Ok, but FOR REAL. What happened to her husband????
— Holly Lott (@thehollywolly) March 26, 2020
Hold my gel pens, this is blowing my MIND.
— Kylie? (@KylieDangerYall) March 26, 2020
Okay, I’ll need one of these for every five minutes when my kid comes crying to me because he’s “hurt.” I’m just sayin’ it might make things in quarantine little more fun…
Replace the word “roommate” with “kids” and this is my DAMN LIFE NOW.
Get the popcorn ready. And a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, Funyons, stretchy pants and a fully charged iPad for each kid in your house before you start this series because once you start this madness, you won’t want to look away.
And when it’s over you’ll have so many questions.
Like, did Carole feed her husband to the tigers? Why is that dude shirtless in EVERY interview? And, IS THERE A SECOND SEASON COMING? For the good of humanity, let’s all hope so…