NICK: Why is the head of Luca’s penis blue?
ME: Ummmm, because it is.
NICK: Is there something wrong with it?
ME: No. Baby boy pee pees often look like this.
NICK: That can’t be right. My penis isn’t blue.
ME: You’re an adult. He’s a baby. It has something to do with the circumcision.
NICK: Seriously. Tell me my son is not going to have a Smurf penis the rest of his life.
ME: It will fade. It’s completely normal.
NICK: Okay, because I’m completely freaking out right now. Can you imagine the nicknames?
ME: Well, there’s Bluehairy. Grapenuts – it does look slightly purple. Sapphire sausage. The Blueball Group. Robin rod. Cookie Monster peeter. Do you want me to continue?
That’s about the time he left the room shaking his head and muttering under his breath.