*This is a sponsored post for Adam and Eve*
I’m a comic. I’m also a woman, wife, and Mother. I’ve been known to be an “Over-Sharer” if that’s even a word. I think if we are honest we can open up a dialogue that can help people feel less isolated and therefore bring acceptance.
I have been married for 14 years. I remember sex before kids. Hot, steamy, shower sex. Sex where my husband and I weren’t afraid that a tiny toddler would come barging into our bathroom at any moment. Sex that required nothing but lust. I giggle now thinking back on that sex. After three kids and a home renovation that almost caused a divorce hearing, sex looks a lot different in our bedroom.
It’s funny how we must have sex to create life, but after we’ve created that life, the sex has a tendency to stop. I have taken a lot of heat on social media for some of my posts and videos about sex after kids, so here is my defense.
With three kids, a full-time job, the house, the activities, and life beating me in the head with a baseball bat, I have to admit that sex can be the last thing on my mind when I get into bed. There are nights when I look up at the ceiling and the thoughts in my mind race around like cats high on crack-cocaine. The last thing I want to do is roll over and diddle his fiddle. That’s right guys, I can think of a million other things to do than entertain the one-eyed monster, mind blowing I know.
What I can say is that being intimate is very, VERY important. My husband loves me. He loves me so much that he not only physically needs me to be with him, he also mentally needs me to be with him. I will be honest and tell you that there have been plenty of times that I have felt an extension of my husband’s spirit nestled in my back while “cuddling”. I’ve thought to myself, “If I just do it now, it will only take five minutes and I can be asleep by 10:30. If I don’t do it, he will pout for an hour and wake me up anyway.” I’m just being honest.
I do LOVE having sex with my husband. I am also secure enough with myself and my marriage to let you know that after 14 years, there is nothing wrong with spicing it up in the boudoir. I am a big fan of “sexting.” My “sexting” however does not include pictures, only emoji’s. That’s right, eggplant and peach emojis aren’t my grocery list. I know, I am a real rebel.
Here are a 7 ways to Spice Up the marriage bed
Kiss your partner for no reason. Just because they are there.
Try to remember something they love and bring it to them unexpectedly. My husband loves Taco Bell. He always loves when I bring him a Mexi Melt.
Play games. Think of it like cards, but you only have a set of dice. Really fun dice.
Read together. It might sound silly, but reading can help get you right where you need to be. My husband was really happy the summer I read 50 Shades of Grey.
Sometimes when you are too tired to think, you can just pick a card and call it a night!
I use a reward system. This might sound silly, but when the BM does the dishes, or helps cleaning up the house, he can earn Bedroom Bucks. How great does doing the dishes sound now???
Pillow talk is really important. Take some time to remind each other how much you love each other.
We also have some fun with toys that you won’t find at Toys R Us. We are grown-ups and I can tell you that marriage is tough and like any relationship it can use some support. Luckily we can order online and have our items discreetly delivered to our door. There is nothing wrong with trying something new. Life is too short to miss out on orgasms. Enjoy your spouse. A solid connection in the bedroom leads to a strong connection in every other aspect of your relationship. I’m not saying you have to role play or use furry handcuffs, unless you want to. I’m saying that there are plenty of fun gadgets to spice up the bedroom.
Without sex, we are just roommates who have a bunch of annoying kids, whom we love dearly. The point of this entire rant is pretty simple. Sex changes after you get married and have a bunch of kids. I know that there are days when the last thing on my mind is sex. I also know that most days, it is the first thing on my husband’s mind. We have had many arguments over the frequency of our sex lives as well as the quality of our sex lives. As the kids got older and we had more time to explore behind a locked bedroom door, we learned to really enjoy each other. It is very exciting to get a special delivery right to your front door that you know is for “sexy time.” I’ve even gotten the BM to do the dishes on special delivery day! Because you guys loved the Valentine’s Day post so much, Adam and Eve has extended another Promo Code: PASSION for you guys to get 50% off one item and free shipping on your order, to the U.S.
Some of your tips for spicing up the bedroom are good, others perhaps need to be rethought. I am a husband, I cook all the meals, I clean the kitchen about 50/50. I start fires in our fireplace in Winter etc. I do these things because I love my wife and I enjoy doing them for my wife. I like to make her happy and ease her workload.
I do not want to do these things as a way to “earn” intimacy with her. I want intimacy with her out of a reciprocal love for each other, out of her love for me a mutual desire for each other and the pleasure we can share. Why in the world would I want to be on a report card system to be allowed access to my wife in the bedroom. This sounds really cruel and quite frankly detrimental. This turns what should be a mutual desire into a merit based or earned points based idea on intimate contact.
This has the potential to make marital intimacy a very impersonal act. It should be a time we would share accepting and reaffirming each other, good and bad instead of saying “ok, I’ll do this for you because you have a gold star in the dishes column”. I could not imagine a more cold form of personal intimacy with my wife. I would feel rejected (and so would she) if this were the case.
I love you and want you potentially turns into “I could take it or leave it but you did take out the trash today… so, I guess I’ll do this”. What happens if we both did this and she or I was having an off week? Oops no intimacy for you, you failed at earning bonus mileage. As a woman, how would my wife feel, having a bad week at work, things going wrong, self esteem taking a hit and she want to be with me to seek solace in physical intimacy and I said “yeah honey, ummmm you didn’t make lunch for me this week, I had to do all the shopping, I picked up the kids four days this week, your score card is pretty empty. Maybe if you put in some extra effort over the next few days we will revisit this”. This may sound far fetched and you would think this wouldn’t happen but it can. I just think “earning” intimacy points can really backfire on a couple no matter how well intentioned it may seem.