I am constantly amazed at the things my kids say and do, as well as how they act whether in public or at home. I was having coffee with some friends the other morning and as we sat at the kitchen table I felt as though I was surrounded by a herd of goats. The kids were loud, eating everything in sight, climbing on the couch, and downright obnoxious. It was like being trapped in a barn yard with no way to escape. I came to the startling realization that my kids are goats!
- Baby goats are called kids: Seriously, how funny is that. Female goats are called “Nannies”, this is becoming a bit weird, so I guess I am the “nanny” and it is my job to watch all of the “kids.” Touche’ animal kingdom, touche’.
- Browsing Animals: People often think that goats will eat anything. Goats are known as browsing animals because they will put just about anything in their mouths, as to identify if the object is edible. Does that sound familiar? Just last week I had to ask my 4 yr old to spit out a crayon, car, bottle top, shoe lace, and a toy truck. Hummmmmm. I am beginning to see a pattern here.
- Curious and Intelligent Creatures: Goats are known to be one of the most intelligent of the barn yard brethren. They are resourceful creatures, much like my three “kids.” My youngest son sat behind the couch the other day waiting for his sister to get up from the table to use the restroom. As soon as she was out of sight, he ran to her plate, ate her remaining food and drank her drink. She returned to an empty plate and looked at me with a puzzled expression. Sneaky little goat.
- Climbers: To look at a goat, one would not picture an animal that can climb high mountains, and even trees, but goats are fantastic climbers. A few months back I found my 6 yr old on top of the refrigerator. What on earth was she doing there, looking for confiscated items of course. I assumed that since they couldn’t reach the top of the fridge it was a safe place to hide said item, but I was wrong.
- Escape Artists: Houdini’s in a herd, goats are known to be very difficult animals to pen. They have an uncanny ability to find weaknesses in fencing and then exploit that weakness and escape. My kids are also mini Houdini’s, they have the ability to instantly make my patience disappear. Every night I put them to bed and they are able to find their way into the kitchen 57 times for water, a hug, one last kiss, and eventually a flip-flop beating. There is no way to contain them, legally that is.
- Screamers: Goats are known to be very loud animals. The noise they make has been equated to a child scream. My kids have no idea what an “inside voice” is, or why screaming is so bothersome. They will scream from sunrise to sunset, and I have had them all tested for hearing deficits.
- Nagging Creatures: While doing serious research on this piece I read about a farmer who would crawl to the bathroom in the morning on his hands and knees, because if the goats saw him they would cry and nag him until he came out to see them. My kids try daily to nag me to death. “What time is dinner? Where are my shoes? Why do I have to clean my room? Are you going to get out of bed and feed us? Why do you want to run away?” Nag, nag, nag, all day long with the questions. Ignoring them has yet to work.
I had no idea that I would grow up to be the nanny goat. I am not a fan of barns, or barn yard animals, but I guess I will keep my herd and carry on. I will continue to Shepard the hell out of this job until my goats are all grown.