I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a mother. My brain never stops. Even when I sleep, I have constant lists and topics running wild through my cerebellum. It. Is. Exhausting. I love my husband. I love my kids. However, I would love to sleep. The mythological creature known as “Sleep” has eluded me for quite some time now. I am positive that I am the one who robs myself of sleep. Here is a peek into my #MentalLoad.
50 thoughts that run through my mind from sunrise to sunset.
1. Is that a foot in my face?
2. Why does my hair smell like pee?
3. What day is it?
4. Did I pack lunches last night?
5. Where is the toilet paper? I know I bought toilet paper. Why isn’t it in this cabinet. I just went to the grocery store. Oh wait, that was last week. Not this week. Maybe I didn’t buy toilet paper.
6. I have to get everyone up and ready. But it is so quiet. I just want them to sleep until lunch.
7. OK, get them up. Push the coffee pot button first. At least the smell of coffee with soothe me.
8. Why are they fighting already? They haven’t been up for five freaking minutes. How can anyone be this angry all the time?
9. Why does everyone ask me where everything is? I can’t remember where I put my shoes, let alone your shoes.
10. It isn’t even 8:00 AM yet. Dear sweet Lord help me!
11. We can make it to school on time if we leave right now.
12. We will only be five minutes late if we leave right now.
13. Where are my keys?
14. How on earth have they not brushed their teeth yet? I don’t care if he is the smelly kid in class. Just go to the car.
15. OK, relax. I can feel my blood pressure skyrocketing.
16. Oh, I like this song. Why do I like this song. There are only 5 total words in this song. I use to be smart.
17. OK 2 kids dropped off, one more to go.
18. OK, off to work. Why am I sweating already. I think I smell.
19. Don’t forget to switch the laundry when I get home. It may be moldy. I forgot to switch it last night.
20. Take something out for dinner. What did we have yesterday? How do I not remember what I made yesterday?
21. Spaghetti. We had spaghetti! I knew I would remember. OK, well I guess we can’t have spaghetti.
22. What time is it?
23. Why are these leftovers in the fridge? I told him to take this as lunch. How does he forget his lunch ever freaking day? I should call and see if he needs lunch.
24. I better vacuum. What is that spot on the floor? Why is it sticky? We didn’t have pancakes today. Is that maple syrup?
25. OK, 2 hours until pick up. What do I need to do? Sh*t! I forgot to switch the laundry.
26. OK, I need to wash this again.
27. Off to pick up. I will switch this when I get home.
28. Did I forget to turn the crock pot on?
29. OK, two kids picked up, one to go.
30. Why are they fighting? They just got in the car. Why do they hate me?
31. Sh*t! I forgot to turn the crock pot on. OK, that will be dinner tomorrow. We can do breakfast for dinner tonight.
32. One hour until they go to bed. I can do this. 60 minutes.
33. Who threw that ball at my head? Freaking kids! Seriously, they hate me.
34. 40 minutes until bed. I can do this.
35. They just need to shower and brush teeth. Maybe tonight will be the night they do it all by themselves.
36. Why do I have to help them every night. We brush teeth every night. It is not rocket science.
37. 10 minutes. I can do this.
38. Seriously kid go to bed. If they come out and ask for water one more time.
39. OK, it is quiet. I am so happy to be sitting down right now.
40. I am so tired. I can’t see straight.
41. Did he just ask me if I want to do it? Seriously? Is he insane?
42. Is he seriously pouting right now?
43. It will only take five minutes, just suck it up and do it so he will go to bed.
44. OK, I can go to bed in 10 minutes and I will get a solid six hours of sleep.
45. OK, brain shut off. It is bedtime.
46. What was that noise? Is a kid awake?
47. I better check on the kids.
48. OK, everyone is fine.
49. I am so tired!
50. Sh*t! I forgot to switch the laundry.
There is no off switch. We just keep moving forward like the Energizer bunny on crack. Day in, day out. I am positive there are times you feel the same way I do. So I applaud you and your efforts to make it from sunrise to sunset.