Welcome to Take It or Leave It, an advice-ish podcast for parents brought to you by Grove Collaborative.
Take it or Leave it is brought to you by Grove Collaborative. Visit http://grove.co/takeit and grab your “Free” gift with order.
In Trending News – Dearly.com Stay at home mom asks if it’s wrong to want husband to pay her salary so she feels like she has more power.
The mom took to Reddit to ask for advice, and the opinions were mixed….
“So I feel pretty crummy even typing this out to complete strangers but here goes. My husband and I have been married for 4 years and we have a 1.5 year old together. He works and I agreed to stay at home since the birth of our son. I was earning only about 1/8 of what he was anyways, so we decided the most sensible arrangement since getting married was that I’d become a homemaker and SAHM when we had a baby.
I’ve been a stay at home spouse/mom for about 3 years now and it was fine before the baby. But now there are a lot of things I want to change but don’t know how to, especially when it comes to finances which I feel like I have no power over. My husband earns good money but he’s very frugal about nonessential spending because he wants to be financially independent (no job, earnings from investments) at an early age. Granted he was like this when I met him but I had also had my own salary at the time to do what I wanted. I’m looser with my money because I like eating out, going out with friends, going shopping, etc. All the normal things people in their 20s buy and do.
Well now that I stay at home we have mini fights every time I want to buy anything over $150 (which is the limit he set that needs a “conversation”). This means if I go out to get clothing, makeup, brunch, little treats, etc. and the amount exceeds $150, I would need to call him beforehand and talk about what I’m buying. It feels extremely restrictive and quite frankly humiliating. He spends so little on himself that it seems like to him that I’m the one spending all the money on myself every month.
I’ve been talking to my sister who’s also a SAHM and she says her and her husband have an agreement where she’s “paid” for childcare/homekeeping. Essentially she gets “paid” a few thousand every month to spend on whatever she wants because in their relationship he’s also the stingy/frugal one and she wants to have more pocket money for fun things. Right now she says she gets about $3,500 a month because that’s how much it would cost them to hire an outside nanny where they live. It’s a bit cheaper where we live so I wouldn’t be asking as much, but would I be the asshole to suggest a similar arrangement with my husband so I don’t need to go groveling for money every time I want to buy myself something nonessential?
Some of the responses:
- I think more than anything that’s too much to ask for. Your basically asking for a stay at home nanny’s entire salary as play money. 3.5 k a month for 12 months is over 40k. That’s absurd unless your very wealthy.
- It’s crazy to get paid a nanny’s salary for caring for your own kid.
- But the idea that OP deserves some financial independence as a stay at home mother is entirely valid.
- Yeah, I think the concept of a monthly stipend for her is a good one. It sounds like it would save them both grief by avoiding these fights.
Maybe not THAT much money, but SHOULD stay at home moms have steady compensation for all of the daily tasks they perform?
Parenting Crap – QuirkyBohemianmama.com Would you rather – Parenting edition.
If you have been on the internet in the last year, you know that Jameela Jamil has been feuding with basically all of the Kardashians/Jenners, as well as a bunch of other celebrities, because of their tendency to promote weight loss products on their social media.
- Allow your child to eat whatever they want for every meal until they’re 18 or let them get a giant regrettable tattoo when they’re 12?
decorate your entire home with your toddler’s drawings or let them paint their own room any color they want?
- Your kid take your diary to show-and-tell or your collection of Fifty Shades books to church?
- Never drink wine again or never drink coffee again?
- bBreastfeed your kid until they’re 16 or have them completely stop aging in mind and body at 2 years old?
- Eat 5 jars of baby food spaghetti or give your toddler a shot of espresso?
- Your child be the reason his/her team always loses or the reason his team always wins because s/he cheats?
- Be able to get 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night or your child get straight As on every report card?
- Have your child blow his /her nose into your shirt or your bare hands?
- Have your toddler cut their own hair or have him/her cut your hair?
- Be able to know when your child is lying or hear all of their thoughts?
- Take a 3-day road trip with a brooding, moody teenager or an 5-hour bus ride with a teething infant?
- Your teenager forget to wear deodorant for a week during the hottest days of summer or not wear a coat for a week in the coldest days of winter?
- Eat all of your kid’s Halloween candy every year or never take them trick-or-treating again?
- Have a tree the grows $5 bills only in the spring or a tree that grows fully cooked gourmet meals year-round?
- Your child grow up to never make more than $30,000 a year or your child become rich and famous for doing something that’s horrifically embarrassing to you?
- Feed your family cat food tacos or dog food chili for dinner?
- Publicly announce which child is your favorite or let one of your kids slap you in the face for a $50 reward?
In Love and Marriage – Love and Marriage: How a wife’s role has changed over the past 69 years, (and why do we think it has?)
Go through this article with an open mind and discuss each statement. Do you agree? Would you consider doing it? Why do you think it’s ridiculous? Why do you think most of us don’t do this anymore? Could we implement some of these things in our home?