HOPING FOR THE PRETTY PLUS SIGN

*This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of e.p.t.   All opinions are 100% mine.

We all have a pregnancy story. Some are short and sweet, others harbor tears and pain. I had no idea that my journey would include loss and self-doubt. My journey caused me tons of pain and questioning. My journey also brought me to the best conclusion, a son. This is my pregnancy story with baby number one.

I remember when I told my husband that I wanted to have a baby. We had only been married a few years, but I was ready. I needed to be a Mom. He wanted to wait until we were financially stable, which I wasn’t interested in. “We need money to raise a baby. We need to be able to provide. Babies are EXPENSIVE.” He exclaimed. “I know, but I am ready to have a baby NOW!” I cried. At 24 I felt as though I was ready and I knew what it required to be a Mother. I had helped raise my two younger siblings and I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. There wasn’t much reasoning with me.

After a few months of convincing, we decided to start our family. I assumed that all I needed to do was stop taking my birth control and we would have a magical night of sex and I would become pregnant. I was wrong. I was so very wrong. The first three months I took my temperature. I used the charts and graphs. I checked to make sure my vaginal secretions looked like egg whites, I still hate the sight of egg whites. Finally, after the fourth month, I stood there looking at my EPT Pregnancy test and I was ecstatic! I was going to be a Mom. I ran out of the bathroom and showed my husband the pretty plus sign!!! It was an amazing feeling.

We proceeded to tell everyone we knew that I was going to have a baby. I was literally floating. I called my doctor’s office and set my first appointment. I never made it to my first appointment. About three weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I woke up with terrible cramps and started to bleed. I began crying hysterically and the next day I called my doctor. I went in and they explained that I did in fact have a miscarriage. I was broken. I had lost our baby. It was like my body had been emptied. We went home and I crawled into bed. I stayed there for a few days. I struggled to figure out what I had done wrong. How had I messed this up?

A few weeks passed and I attempted to get my head back in the game. We decided to try again a few months after my miscarriage. I started to take my temperature and chart all of my mucus again. I was buying pregnancy tests and taking them like crazy. Each month I would pray for those lines. Even when they weren’t there I would imagine that the plus sign was in fact there. I would show my husband and he would tell me, “I’m sorry, there is only one line.”

A few months later I became pregnant. I was happy but also nervous. This time we kept the news to ourselves and just our parents. I remember speaking to my belly and telling the baby that I would be really careful this time. I would make it right. About three weeks later it happened again. I ended up back in my doctor’s office being told that I miscarried another baby. The weight of the news broke me. I had lost another baby. I was a failure. Was I ever going to be a Mother? What was wrong with me?

The next month we went back to my OBGYN and talked about what was going on. He attempted to explain to me that miscarriage was common and that after only two losses, he was not concerned. How could he not be concerned? I had lost two babies within eight months. I had to have been broken. There HAD to be something wrong with me. His advice was to go home and have a glass of wine. “Try to relax. Take some time. Try again in a few months.” I wanted to smack him when he told me to relax.

I decided that I needed a break. We planned a vacation to go see my husband’s relatives in the islands. We tried to forget about our baby struggles. Of course when you are trying to forget about them, everyone around you is pregnant or is walking around pushing a baby in a stroller. We went to a casino where I was certain that I had figured out a fool-proof way to win at roulette. I was wrong. I lost all my money. After losing my money I went to the bathroom and I had started to spot. “Great. I got my period and I have no tampons.” I figured my cycle was all screwed up from the miscarriages. I wasn’t supposed to get my period for another week, but nothing had been going my way so why should it start now. The next day the spotting was gone. I thought nothing of it. We made it home and life continued.

After a few weeks I realized I never actually got my period. I looked at my calendar and counted. It had been eight weeks since my last period. I sat on the couch not wanting to move. My first thought was to go to the grocery store and buy a pregnancy test. As soon as I had that thought I started to cry. It was like I didn’t want to know because if I was in fact pregnant, I couldn’t go through losing another baby. I sat on the couch until my husband came home. We went to the store together and this time I bought an EPT digital test. I didn’t want to see any lines. I wanted the words “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant.”

I bought a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream. I wanted to be prepared for either scenario. We went into the bathroom and I took the test. We sat holding hands and waited. I picked up the test and it read, “Pregnant.” I cried and hugged my husband. I wasn’t happy. I was scared. “I’m not ready to lose another baby.” I said. “I can’t do this again.” He hugged me tighter and let me cry. “We will be just fine.” He said.  The next day I called the doctor’s office and set an appointment. This time I made it into the office. I took another pregnancy test and they confirmed I was in fact pregnant. I will never forget the ultrasound. Looking at the tiny peanut on the screen caused such a massive swirl of emotions. There was in fact a baby in there. I crossed my fingers and prayed that the third time would be the charm.

My pregnancy was anything but uneventful, but that is a story for another day. My rainbow baby turns 11 this year. Finding out you are pregnant is something that requires certainty. You will definitely get that with e.p.t.. Make sure to head to your local Walmart to pick up an e.p.t. test if you think the stork will be making a visit.