I Thought I Could Be “Super Mom” And Ended Up In Inpatient Psych Care.

To all the new mamas,

This is my heartbreaking story of my third pregnancy 7 years ago.

I thought I was “super mom”. I felt the need to do everything by myself for my first two.

I didn’t want to ask for help.

When I did other moms made me feel less than. They taunted me and told me they felt bad that I was the mother of my kids.

It really hurt so I buried my need for help and poured everything I had into them.

When food was scarce, I would give them what was on my plate when they were still hungry.

I was wearing clothes three sizes too big or small so that they could have new clothes.

I would go without showers for days even weeks at a time to care for them. I was so exhausted at night that a shower was the last thing I wanted to do.

I was getting depressed.

Then in May 2016, I had a traumatic experience. I ended up in inpatient psyche care. I always have battled depression and suicide.

I thought I was better. My husband deployed with the Navy and I continued to go downhill. He came home on emergency leave and we accidentally got pregnant again.

For nine months, I was in and out of the hospital. I was on psyche meds that weren’t working. I wanted to end my life.

I overdosed and nearly lost my baby. I was lost and alone.

My son was born 7 years ago yesterday. I had no support during those dark days.

I cried so much. I feared losing my children to the system.

Moms, you are super moms but that doesn’t mean putting yourself last and not asking for help.

If you have to bottle feed for your sanity you didn’t fail your baby. Your baby is still fed and cared for.

If you have to put the baby in the crib because he or she is crying and you need a break, you didn’t fail your baby. You didn’t shake your baby.

If you had a friend come over and watch your baby, you didn’t fail your baby. Your baby now has a clean and relaxed mommy.

If you ate lunch while your baby napped instead of cleaning, you didn’t fail your baby or household. You made sure you had energy to continue to meet the demands of your family.

If you ordered take out instead of cooking, you didn’t fail your family. You fed them during a very trying adjustment period.

If your cup is dry, you can’t pour into your baby’s cup.

You can’t pour into your spouse’s cup. You can’t pour into your child’s cup. You can’t pour into your boyfriend/hubby/significant other/baby daddy’s cup.

If you have nothing left to give because you neglected yourself you have failed yourself. I’m shaking as I post this. I’m sure I will get criticism.

But if I have helped one mom today, it will be worth it. I didn’t go through my trials and dark days to hide my story. It’s my testimony of strength and perseverance and my way to help other moms. I pray you find peace in your soul.

And know, this stranger is a cheerleader in your corner.