There are two types of people in the world: those who like candy corn (OMG, people, whyyyyy?), and those who don’t (YOU are my people).
It is, for all intents and purposes, the most polarizing Hallowe’en candy available on the market, striking debates among even the most passive, peace-loving Americans. Which, quite frankly, is difficult to understand, because it’s disgusting. But I’m not here to judge (okay, maybe I am, just a little.)
I mean, never mind that the state where the abomination was first created, has actually apologized for its very existence. But you know, whatever.
I am sorry. I can’t let this go. That’s right all you candy-corners, Pennsylvania has issued a formal statement in the Penn Live Patriot News. It says in part:
We had no idea what a horrific concoction it was and are deeply, truly sorry for it. We’re positive that Renninger had the very best of intentions when he crafted candy corn. We’ll even give the benefit of the doubt to Goelitz Confectionary Company. Perhaps all they wanted to do was make a cute little treat for Halloween? Surely, one can’t be too mad at someone who just wanted to bring joy to small children on Halloween.
But it fails to bring joy. There is no joy. There is only deep deep sadness when that little bag of candy corn horror is placed into a child’s Hallowe’en bag.
Don’t be that neighbor.
Candy corn was first invented in the late 1800s by George Renninger.
A man who clearly hated everything and everyone. I’m totally kidding. I’m not kidding when I say, the miniature white-orange-yellow cones were originally named chicken feed. CHICKEN FEED. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment. Obviously, it was never meant for human consumption.
According to The Jelly Belly Candy Company (originally The Geolitz Confectionary Company) the official candy corn taste description is as follows:
Candy Corn is a wonderful blend of creamy fondant, rich marshmallow and warm vanilla notes. When combined, these flavors create the distinct Candy Corn flavor.
Unofficially? It tastes like ear wax.
Although, admittedly, not everyone agrees. Today is National Candy Corn Day (which, let’s face it, was created by some crazy lunatic with extremely questionable taste buds). A day to celebrate the confectionary coachroach of candy land. And Twitter, if nothing else, is all about the celebrations.
First there are those who will defend it to the death (also known as the certifiably insane). Take my man Craig for example. A self-proclaimed masked hero who likes to frolic in the corn fields. Nothing weird here.
That's a "YEE-HAW!" from me with my cowboy hat on in the candy corn fields!
— Craig McNeil (@MaskedHeroCraig) October 30, 2019
And there are others. Others named Sharon. We ALL know a Sharon.
Blessed be the fruit.
— Sharon I love Candy Corn Houston (@sharon_houston) October 30, 2019
And Fishing Lee. Who just cannot tell a lie. But maybe he should.
I like candy corn and I cannot lie. https://t.co/LKh3JaXPAn
— JLP (@FishingLeeP) October 30, 2019
I love candy corn, too! pic.twitter.com/zwi7G5gQTE
— Connie (@xonjie123) October 30, 2019
And Adrian, just an FYI, people hate it because it’s disgusting.
Candycorn is fucking delicious I dont know why people hate it#NationalCandyCornDay pic.twitter.com/N4Em8J9WAv
— Adrian Henry (@Henastondrian) October 30, 2019
Then there are the people that hide that they love it. As they should.
Husband: Tell me something I don’t know about you.
Me: *thinking about how I like candy corn* I murdered someone.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 29, 2019
Even the Canadian Broadcasting Company got in on the debate. And this is honestly the first time I’m afraid to admit that I AM CANADIAN. For shame, CBC.
Settle the candy corn debate once and for all ?? pic.twitter.com/dkJ2DpX5Vq
— CBC (@CBC) October 30, 2019
And then there are those who clearly have their feet firmly planted in reality. May sanity reign. I admit, “drunk” John Madden may not be the best authority on the subject, but there are others.
#NationalCandyCornDay – Unless you were born in 1950 or before, this is how you eat candy corn. pic.twitter.com/7ql9P2Fe3n
— Drunk John Madden (@MaddenSatire) October 30, 2019
Only psychopaths like candy corn. #NationalCandyCornDay is a great way to figure out who to avoid
— Ryan Barrett (@Rbarrett0813) October 30, 2019
NBC is my new favorite television station. Good-bye CBC.
It's National Candy Corn Day! pic.twitter.com/UMqCe0dtGb
— NBC4 Columbus (@nbc4i) October 30, 2019
candy corn is the most disgusting thing ever made #NationalCandyCornDay
— Geah Lumbre (@geahlumbre) October 30, 2019
If you like candy corn we can’t be friends ???????
— Kinda Hazey? (@KindaHazeyy) October 30, 2019
How to eat candy corn:
Don’t ? pic.twitter.com/3AchSnIhOJ
— Logan Luster (@flavsauce) October 30, 2019
Some people say it’s straight up evil. Including Sponge Bob SquarePants. And who among us can argue with a talking sponge?
Candy Corn is the devil
— ????? (@BlondeDarIing) October 30, 2019
SPONGEBOB FACT: Candy corn is very clearly EVIL as you can see by Plankton, the known terrorist, dressed up as it. It tastes like shit also pic.twitter.com/UXsIe4l2JG
— SpongeBob Facts! (@spongbob_facts) October 30, 2019
And then there are those who are just, well, confused. Can someone please explain this to me?
Candy corn is created by mixing pixie dust with the tears of polite society.#Halloween #halloween2019 pic.twitter.com/0Ak6nVc5Yh
— Joe Buonfiglio (@JoeBuonfiglio) October 30, 2019
Pineapple on pizza is wrong. Just like candy corn is wrong. There is no debate.
pineapple candy corn
? hated for no reason
— Pizza Hut (@pizzahut) October 30, 2019
Look, I have nothing against corn. Especially popped and smothered in butter or salt.
I’m also a fan of candy, particularly Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. And, in all fairness, Candy Corn isn’t alone in tasting awful.
The Candy Store surveyed over 30,000 customers to come up with a Top Ten list of the worst Hallowe’en candies of 2019. While Candy Corn topped it at number 1, they were in good company with Circus Peanuts coming in second, and Peanut Butter Kisses rounding out the top 3.
And I have to hand it to Candy Corn fans, they really do try to make it palatable.
There are about a billion Candy Corn recipes available. Candy Corn Cookies, Candy Corn and Maple Peanut Mix, Candy Corn Donuts, Candy Corn Milkshakes, Candy Corn Pretzel Hugs, even Candy Corn Vodka. But this just goes to prove my point.
Candy Corn is gross. The END.
The most important part of not liking candy corn is telling people.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 1, 2019
What do you think? Do you love it or hate it?