It’s National Candy Corn Day And The Hilarious People Of Twitter Have Feelings

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There are two types of people in the world: those who like candy corn (OMG, people, whyyyyy?), and those who don’t (YOU are my people).

It is, for all intents and purposes, the most polarizing Hallowe’en candy available on the market, striking debates among even the most passive, peace-loving Americans. Which, quite frankly, is difficult to understand, because it’s disgusting. But I’m not here to judge (okay, maybe I am, just a little.)

I mean, never mind that the state where the abomination was first created, has actually apologized for its very existence. But you know, whatever.

I am sorry. I can’t let this go. That’s right all you candy-corners, Pennsylvania has issued a formal statement in the Penn Live Patriot News. It says in part:

 We had no idea what a horrific concoction it was and are deeply, truly sorry for it. We’re positive that Renninger had the very best of intentions when he crafted candy corn. We’ll even give the benefit of the doubt to Goelitz Confectionary Company. Perhaps all they wanted to do was make a cute little treat for Halloween? Surely, one can’t be too mad at someone who just wanted to bring joy to small children on Halloween.

But it fails to bring joy. There is no joy. There is only deep deep sadness when that little bag of candy corn horror is placed into a child’s Hallowe’en bag.

Don’t be that neighbor.

Candy corn was first invented in the late 1800s by George Renninger.

A man who clearly hated everything and everyone. I’m totally kidding. I’m not kidding when I say, the miniature white-orange-yellow cones were originally named chicken feed. CHICKEN FEED. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment. Obviously, it was never meant for human consumption.

 According to The Jelly Belly Candy Company (originally The Geolitz Confectionary Company) the official candy corn taste description is as follows:

Candy Corn is a wonderful blend of creamy fondant, rich marshmallow and warm vanilla notes. When combined, these flavors create the distinct Candy Corn flavor. 

Unofficially? It tastes like ear wax.

Although, admittedly, not everyone agrees. Today is National Candy Corn Day (which, let’s face it, was created by some crazy lunatic with extremely questionable taste buds). A day to celebrate the confectionary coachroach of candy land. And Twitter, if nothing else, is all about the celebrations.

First there are those who will defend it to the death (also known as the certifiably insane). Take my man Craig for example. A self-proclaimed masked hero who likes to frolic in the corn fields. Nothing weird here.

And there are others. Others named Sharon. We ALL know a Sharon.

And Fishing Lee. Who just cannot tell a lie. But maybe he should.

And Adrian, just an FYI, people hate it because it’s disgusting.

Then there are the people that hide that they love it. As they should. 

Even the Canadian Broadcasting Company got in on the debate. And this is honestly the first time I’m afraid to admit that I AM CANADIAN. For shame, CBC.

And then there are those who clearly have their feet firmly planted in reality. May sanity reign. I admit, “drunk” John Madden may not be the best authority on the subject, but there are others.

NBC is my new favorite television station. Good-bye CBC.

Some people say it’s straight up evil. Including Sponge Bob SquarePants. And who among us can argue with a talking sponge?

And then there are those who are just, well, confused. Can someone please explain this to me?

Pineapple on pizza is wrong. Just like candy corn is wrong. There is no debate.

Look, I have nothing against corn. Especially popped and smothered in butter or salt.

I’m also a fan of candy, particularly Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. And, in all fairness, Candy Corn isn’t alone in tasting awful.

The Candy Store surveyed over 30,000 customers to come up with a Top Ten list of the worst Hallowe’en candies of 2019. While Candy Corn topped it at number 1, they were in good company with Circus Peanuts coming in second, and Peanut Butter Kisses rounding out the top 3.

Photo Credit: Candystore.com

And I have to hand it to Candy Corn fans, they really do try to make it palatable.

There are about a billion Candy Corn recipes available. Candy Corn Cookies, Candy Corn and Maple Peanut Mix, Candy Corn Donuts, Candy Corn Milkshakes, Candy Corn Pretzel Hugs, even Candy Corn Vodka. But this just goes to prove my point.

Candy Corn is gross. The END. 

What do you think? Do you love it or hate it?

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