Kids, We’ve Had Endless Days Of Summer Fun. Now This Mom is Done.

Go sell that shiz someplace else kid.

You’ve been treated to endless days of freedom and fun and more fun and also frivolity and now we are home and it’s come to a screeching halt.

Which means yes, you have to carry your crap in the house and yes, you have to put it away and yes, tonight you have a bedtime.

And no, there will not be a bonfire and s’mores before bed thanks for asking.

Instead there will be the ceremonial brushing of the teeth…remember that? No? Me either.

This is your life now, might as well get used to it young ones.

Your parents left all their energy on various beaches and in lakes, on a few boats, on some super long drives, on tables covered in card games and on a zillion meals where we did not once mention nutrition.

You’re welcome.

Also did I mention we are done?

This is the part where you show your gratitude by going off someplace to do your own thing, by getting your own food and by asking me for nothing.

Like for real nothing.

I do not want to talk about if we can go to Culver’s tomorrow or if you can have all your friends sleepover or if we can play a game or go to Target to buy a LEGO set.

If you ask me today the answers will all be no.

All of the answers to all of the questions will be no.

Read your audience dear children.

Your mom is still too full from all the crap she’s eaten, she’s sunburned and greasy and needs to shave her legs and also do 5,000 loads of laundry.

She’s lost the will to parent in any meaningful way for at least 24 hours…proceed accordingly.

Also I love you and I’m so happy we had such great fun and made such amazing memories.

You are all precious gifts from God.

Now go away.