Target, we love you. SO MUCH. You, with your one-stop shopping and Bullseye $1 bins, and aisles full of so much stuff we didn’t even know we needed but you did, clearly.
And we love you even more during this festive holiday shopping
hell season. With your free shipping and same day delivery. Your gifts for every member of the family. Your endless rows of decorations and wrapping paper and pretty bows.
But we need to have a serious talk. Or at least, some of us do. Well, one of us does for sure.
In a hilarious Facebook post that has gone viral with over 40k likes and 41k shares in just 24 hours, Destinee Gunnett shares an important public service announcement for all her fellow Target Christmas shoppers.
Listen up folks, this is important.
BEWARE THE HO WRAPPING PAPER.
She begins her post in the spirit of giving by saying:
Let me give every one out there a little advice….
There is some adorable paper at target…
Because of course there is. This IS Target, after all. WE LOVE YOU TARGET! And the paper? It really is adorable. Now. Until it isn’t. It’s white and shiny and has little red glittery “HO HO HOs” all over it. And it looks great finished off with a big red bow.
Behold, exhibit A:
Cute, right? Except it’s really, really not. Because these HO HO HOs? Are the long lost black sheep cousins of confetti. And like all good hos, they like to get around.
Let me explain something… these f’ing HO’s are god blessing confetti!!!!!
And what begins as a fun gift-wrapping experience, quickly morphs into a HO hostile takeover.
Those little HO HO HOs? Birth babies and send their little HO descendants out into the world, hell-bent on world domination.
It starts innocently enough. One at a time. A HO here and a HO there…
But it doesn’t take long for there to be a HO everywhere. On the carpet, on the table, even on Destinee herself.
They scatter, like little seeds on the wind. And stick. In the worst places.
And at this point, I’m sorry. I can’t stop laughing. Because Destinee? Has had just about enough of these little HOs. Behold.
HO boy. She is obviously less than thrilled by this point. All that holiday joy she had just moments earlier, wrapping gifts in the cute Target paper? GONE. There is no joy. There is no cheer. There are just HOs. On her face and in her hair.
And those little red letters? Have NO shame. They multiply. And spread like some horrible venereal disease. There is no escape. None.
Even Destinee’s children fall victim to the holiday HOs. She finds them on their backs…
And on their legs…
Those pesky little HOs are everywhere. In every nook and every cranny. It is a HO invasion.
There are 1000 little ho’s all over my house
There are ho’s on my kids
There will be ho’s FOREVER
It is the gift that just keeps on giving. FOR-EV-EEER.
And I feel Destinee’s pain. Want to know what else lasts forever? Glitter. And if you are a parent, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
My sister once bought my daughter an entire set of colored glitters to use for crafts. It’s possible I may never forgive her. 8 years later? I swear, I am STILL vacuuming up little pieces of glitter from between the cracks of my hardwood floors. It never truly goes away.
So let this be a warning to all of you. Do not be tempted by the cute holiday wrapping paper with little red HOs all over it.
Back away from the HOs.
Sure, it seems like a good idea. All festive and merry and bright. But unless you want to walk around with HO stickers attached to your face from now until the end of time, don’t be a Destinee. Heed her words and ho-ld off on the HO gift wrap:
DONT GO THERE
KEEP YOUR MONEY!
WE STILL LOVE YOU TARGET!