No one really warns you that becoming a mother doesn’t just change you, it changes your relationships too.
Not in loud, dramatic ways.
But in quiet ones.
Like realizing you haven’t talked to your closest friend in weeks. Not because you don’t care, but because you keep meaning to reply… and then a kid needs a snack, someone has a meltdown, and the day disappears.
Or when you finally do meet up, and the conversation feels off. You’re talking about sleep regressions, school anxiety, or the mental load of keeping a household running — and they’re talking about happy hour, last-minute trips, or a life that still allows room to be impulsive.
And you both leave feeling misunderstood.
It’s Not Always About Drama
Some friendships don’t end with a fight.
They end with things like:
- Canceling plans for the third time because your child is sick again.
- Stopping yourself from venting because you don’t want to sound “negative.”
- Saying “we should get together soon” and knowing you probably won’t.
No one does anything wrong.
Life just shifts, and sometimes friendships can’t shift with it.
When You’re Living in Different Worlds
Maybe you’re the mom who can’t remember the last time she did something just for herself, and your friend can’t understand why you can’t “just get a sitter.”
Or maybe you’re on the other side now. Your kids are older, more independent, and you’re finally rediscovering yourself — but your friend is deep in the newborn trenches and doesn’t have the capacity to meet you where you are.
You try.
But the timing is off.
And love alone doesn’t always bridge that gap.
The Friendships That Struggle With Emotional Weight
Some friends don’t know how to handle the heavier parts of motherhood.
Like when you open up about postpartum anxiety, rage, or depression — and they respond with “Have you tried exercising?” or “At least your baby is healthy.”
Or when you admit you’re not enjoying this phase, and the room gets quiet.
So you stop sharing the hard stuff.
You keep things surface-level.
And slowly, the connection fades.
When You Start Setting Boundaries
Motherhood has a way of forcing boundaries you never needed before.
You can’t stay out late anymore.
You don’t want to gossip like you used to.
You’re more aware of how drained you feel after certain interactions.
Maybe you notice that after seeing one particular friend, you go home feeling depleted — more irritable with your kids, more disconnected from yourself.
And that realization hurts.
Because that friend mattered.
Because you didn’t outgrow them on purpose.
The Quiet Grief of Losing a Friendship
What hurts the most isn’t always the loss, it’s the way it happens.
It’s scrolling through old photos and realizing you haven’t taken one together in years.
It’s hearing big life news through social media instead of a text.
It’s knowing you’d still show up for them, but they no longer show up for you.
There’s grief in that. Real grief.
And it’s okay to mourn friendships while still being grateful for motherhood.
What Comes After the Loss
Eventually, something shifts.
You find friends who don’t mind playdates instead of dinners.
Friends who understand when you cancel, and mean it when they say, “Next time.”
Friends who don’t need you to explain why you’re tired.
The friendships may be fewer, but they’re deeper.
Quieter, but safer.
To Every Mother Reading This
If you’ve felt this distance…
If you’ve questioned yourself…
If you’ve wondered why maintaining friendships feels harder now —
It’s not because you failed.
It’s because motherhood changed you.
And some friendships aren’t meant to survive every version of us.
Letting go doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real.
It just means this chapter requires something different.
If this topic has hit close to home for you, there’s also a powerful conversation worth watching: “It’s Not You: The Real Reason Adult Friendship Is So Hard & 3 Ways to Make It Easier.” In it, relationship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson and Mel Robbins break down why adult friendships can feel so complicated as life changes–and offer real, research-backed insights into how to navigate those shifts with compassion and intention.