Choosing the right name for your baby can be daunting. There’s a reason that there are a gazillion baby name books on the market and even more baby name sites on the internet.
It is not a decision to be taken lightly. After all, your kid is going to have to live with this name for the rest of his life. No pressure.
And while agreeing on a first name can be difficult, choosing a middle name isn’t necessarily any easier.
Eventually, however, you and your partner agree (or at the very least come to terms with the fact that mama’s gonna win because, hello, childbirth).
Unless you’re this guy.
A husband took to Reddit’s “Am I The Asshole” thread asking the question, “AITA for changing my daughters middle name while my wife was asleep?”
The man began by explaining that when he and his wife had kids they decided that he would name the first boy and she would name the first girl.
However, when it came to middle names, it was all hers.
“My Wife decided because she had carried the children she would decide both of their middle names. She wanted to pass on a family traditional name on her mothers side and wanted to pass on her paternal grandmothers middle name as well.”
Seems fair to me. Not only did she carry the baby for 9 loooooong months, but she also just birthed a watermelon out of her hoo-ha. If that doesn’t warrant dibs on a middle name, I don’t know what does.
Initially, her husband admits to having no problem with the arrangement.
That is until his grandmother passed away while his wife was pregnant with their second child.
“At first I didn’t care about the middle names but while my wife was pregnant with our second my grandmother passed. I asked her if we could give the baby my grandmothers middle name and she said no. We fought but i gave up.”
Except he didn’t give up. Turns out he was just biding his time, waiting for his opportunity to strike.
He waited right up until his wife was “passed out asleep” after birthing their child, to change his newborn daughter’s middle name.
And he has the papers to prove it.
“Until the nurse came in with the papers to name the child. My wife was passed out asleep and the nurse just asked if we had a name picked out. I said yes and filled out the form with my grandmothers middle name.”
When his wife woke up an hour later, he broke the news. It did not go well. I can just imagine how that conversation went.
“Oh by the way honey, remember how you wanted to name our daughter after your grandmother? About that…”
But alas, he did, in fact, do it. And mama isn’t happy.
“She was pissed. We got into a huge fight and she claimed she’d be changing it but she can’t because you need both parents to sign off on a name change.”
Which clearly he is not willing to do.
He goes on to say:
“It’s been three days and my wife is giving me the silent treatment. Along with her visiting family. Even my family said it was a cruel thing to do while she was asleep. Am I the asshole??”
The post has gone viral with over 1600 comments.
The overwhelming consensus is yes, he is, indeed, an asshole for going behind his wife’s back.
I’m no expert, but I gotta say I agree. I’m pretty certain that waiting for your wife to fall unconscious after birthing your baby to underhandedly get your way is not a therapist-approved conflict resolution strategy.
Which does beg the question, where exactly in this scenario does he think he’s NOT the asshole?
Another says even his own dearly departed grandmother would think he’s an asshole. May she rest in peace:
One commenter brings up the fact that the baby already has his family name (providing they use his last name.)
“YTA. Whose last name do the kids have? My guess is yours. If both kids have a family name from you, it makes sense that she would want to pass down a family name from her side using the middle names.”
However, the wife isn’t fully off the hook. A select few think that although he’s definitely TA, she kinda is too.
In response to a previous comment, one person says:
“Obviously he’s an asshole. But so is she, and for exactly the same reason – she was also intending to unilaterally name the child as she wished without regard to him.
He just got there first.”
Others agree, “everyone sucks here”:
Not to mention, what’s wrong with having two middle names?
Some of you may be thinking, “who cares, it’s just a middle name,” but it’s not just about the middle name. It’s about the deception.
One Redditor shares that for their parents, it was the beginning of the end:
“YTA My dad bullied my mom about my name. It lead to their divorce, and as an adult with my own kids, I resent my dad for it too, same with other people whose fathers acted so underhandedly against our mothers when they were so vulnerable. At least he didn’t do it behind her back.
This isn’t going away, and your daughter will associate your grandmother’s name with you betraying her mother when she was born. Sounds like a great memorial.”
Another commenter has a similar story:
What’s in a name? A helluva lot.
As for what the outcome is in this case, we’re guessing that if the response to his post is any indication, this husband will be signing off on that name change sooner, rather than later.
You can read the full post here:
AITA for changing my daughters middle name while my wife was asleep? from AmItheAsshole