My Daughter Looks Nothing Like Me And It Breaks My Heart

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My husband has a great picture of him, his mom, and his Nan by our bed. Aside from the age difference, the three of them look identical! So, even while I was pregnant, I began thinking about what our baby girl would look like. The gene pool in my husbands’ family is obviously very strong. He has brown eyes, straight black hair, and strong physical features. Basically he’s tall, dark, and handsome – my dream guy. I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes, and may appear camouflaged when standing in front of a white wall. Would she get any of my physical traits?

I began having dreams, which then turned into nightmares about how she would look nothing like me. At my final ultrasound at 38wks, I joked with the technician about my worries. She obviously didn’t hear the fear in my voice amongst my humor as she proceeded to tell me that my daughter had a very large nose (the biggest she’d ever seen on an ultrasound) and puffy lips, traits more reminiscent of my husbands’ family. Panic set in.

Then the incredible day arrived when I finally got to meet my sweet baby girl. As she lay on my chest I stared down at this perfect angel. She was beautiful. She didn’t come out looking just like my mother-in-law or with a giant nose and duck lips like I had imagined in my nightmares.

She was the cutest baby I had ever seen and she was mine.

At first my husband and I both agreed that we could see both of us in her. She had dark, straight hair like him, but her lips, nose, and eyes, maybe looked a little bit more like mine. That’s what we thought at least.

Then it started, “Oh, she looks just like her dad!” “She’s definitely a daddy’s girl!” And, from my mother-in-law, “She looks just like me when I was a baby.” Every time I hear these words my heart breaks a little, but I just smile and nod.

All I want is for someone to tell me they see some resemblance of me in her. I helped make her, I carried her, I tore and hemorrhaged during labor for her (with no epidural might I add), I mostly take care of her, and I’m going to have droopy boobs because of her.

I want it to be known to the world that she is my baby girl! I love her more than anything and I am so proud to be her mom. Why can’t she be mommy’s girl?

I don’t know why it hurts so much. I mean, my husband is very good looking so it’s not a bad thing that she looks like him. And, when I was a child everyone always told me how much I looked like my dad. I had a special bond with him so I loved hearing those words.

I loved hearing them even more after he passed away. Whenever people said I reminded them so much of my dad, it brought a smile to my face and made me feel connected to him.

My husband and I come from small families. I took his name when we got married because it meant alot to him to expand his family name. I was happy to do it, but I was sad to let go of a part of me. Now my daughter not only has his name she also has his looks.

How will my family be carried on?

I want to know that she got a little bit of me when she was born. I want her to feel connected to me like I was connected to my dad. It doesn’t bother me that she looks like my husband. I’m happy she does so that he feels that connection with her. I just want there to be a speckle of me somewhere and for people to recognize it, and, more importantly, for her to recognize it when she’s older.

Perhaps the glimmer of me will begin to appear over time as she grows. Perhaps other traits will shine through. I would love for her heart to be bursting with kindness and generosity. I will be so proud if she gets my passion for helping others by giving back to her community and finding creative ways to make others happy.

I hope she treats everyone with respect and always uses good manners. Hopefully she doesn’t get my singing voice, but I do hope she has an appreciation for music and picks up some of my sweet dance moves such as the Running Man and Funky Chicken. I hope she gets my love of nature, easy going personality, passion for being active, and sarcastic sense of humour. Or, at least one or two of those traits!

Although my happy baby girl may not resemble me now, I know that one day there will be a part of me that breaks through. I can’t wait for that day. I want her to be proud of what she inherits from both my husband and I. Years from now, I want her to have a picture of us displayed in her home (not by her bed) that she can look at and say, “I’m a daddy’s and a mommy’s girl.”

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HI! I’m Karey, a new mom to a sweet baby girl, wife to my incredible husband, and elementary school teacher. I’m passionate about helping others, living a healthy lifestyle, and, of course, my friends and family. Teaching, and now motherhood, have helped me become a more patient person and really enjoy all of life’s twists and turns.

3 COMMENTS

  1. I have two children that look nothing like me. They are literal clones of their mother. To the point that outsiders say it’s grounds for a DNA test. Strangers think that I am the grandfather maybe due to my premature grey and a limp. They didn’t look like me when they were born, my oldest is 20 and she still doesn’t. The little sister will soon be 10 and doesn’t either.

    Somehow every contribution I made was recessive, all 23 chromosomes, TWICE! It breaks my heart every day. Then you get that “Oh they have your personality maybe?” That’s not biology that’s psychology Nurture over Nature…it does NOTHING to make me feel better. This is Canada and personal DNA tests cost $600-$800 each, so THAT’S out…

    This has bothered me for 20 years and I have NO Recourse.

    • Dude, I’m the MOTHER, so I KNOW my girls are mine–we have video proof and I carried then both inside me–and NEITHER of them look a thing like me, like, not at all. I have olive skin (Italian decent), very dark brown eyes, and straight, stick straight, medium brown hair. My eldest had wavy bright blond hair, deep blue eyes, and is as pale as Elsa on Frozen. My second girl too has bright BLUE eyes (seriously?), straight (for now, at least) sorry blonde hair, and unless she’s out in the sun, pale skin. They look like their dad, but mixed with a stranger. If it were biologically possible I would say someone else’s eggs were placed into me, mixed with his sperm, because my girls look very much like one another, there is no doubt they are sisters. I seriously look like their step mom, no really. Soooooo, that is to say, try not to fret, and insult the mother of your children at the same time, and get a DNA test. It is very very very possible for this to happen. Oh, and I’m the spitting image of my mom, yet again, my girls look nothing like me, and it’s not even remotely possible they aren’t mine—I birthed them…

  2. My corrections bc I can’t type! Lol

    *my eldest has not had

    *dirty blonde not sorry blonde

    *By getting a DNA test not and get a DNA test

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