I don’t want flowers.
Please don’t buy me a gift.
What do I want this year, several hours of quiet bliss.
Don’t knock on my door.
Don’t utter my name.
If a problem arises, call Daddy, he’s game.
I want to shower in silence.
I want to take a long nap.
I don’t want to see your fingers under the door while taking a crap.
Don’t tell me you’re hungry.
Don’t whimper or whine.
It’s Mother’s day rug rats, pass the wine while I dine.
The kitchen is closed.
No cooking today.
But I do want to binge watch episodes of Grey’s.
No cleaning or laundry.
No dishes will I do.
You crayon gobblers’ better think twice before throwing a coup.
I want to relax and read a book.
Eat a meal without sharing.
I’m sorry if this seems a bit uncaring.
Daddy, this goes for you too.
So tonight at bedtime…
I’ll take a pass on the screw.
I want to fall asleep untouched.
Please, no orifice invasion.
No groping or humping, I’m immune to persuasion.
Mommy needs a break.
But please don’t be sad.
The sperm donor’s here, you call him Dad.