Why We Need to Love The Mom That Is Different Than Us


Published letters written from one mom to another keep coming up in my Facebook feed. To the mom that………

To the mom that is angry all the time, that is on her phone at the playground, struggling to hold herself together, on the brink of breaking, feels like she’s failing, relaxing by the pool, and the latest one I read, to the mom with her kids on the Ipad at the dinner table.

Most of the time they are inspiring relatable articles, there is always some kind of message of hope in the end and I admit I need to read these letters often. Sometimes I feel so alone on this journey it’s nice to know someone else out there is feeling the same.

But this letter from one mom to another mom letting her kids play Ipads while they wait for their dinner conjured up some deep passionate feelings. It wasn’t just the article but all the comments I read afterword. People going back and forth about why they allow the Ipad, why they don’t allow it, and some nasty comments about the writer.

I had to stop everything I was doing and write. These feelings had to be expressed. Admittedly at first, it was to the writer, then to all the people bashing the writer, then it’s a message everyone needs to hear but especially mamas.

Can we all practice LOVE?

Love the mama that gives the IPAD at dinner.

Love the mama that bottle feeds.

love the mama that doesn’t want any plastic toys in the house.

Love the mama that co-sleeps.

Love the mama that works.

Love the mama with the pretty spotless home.

Love the mama with a passion for breastfeeding awareness.

Love the mama with the kid on the leash at the park.

Love the mama that looks gorgeous every day.

Love the mama that chooses not to vaccinate.

Love the mama that looks back to normal after having a baby.

Love the mama that volunteers at every school function.

Love the mama that wants to have a big family or the one that wants only one child.

Please love the mama that judges and shames other mamas.

Love, love, love, love love, love, LOVE.

We are all human. We are all broken. I read and witness a lot of mama shaming both publicly and privately. I have to be honest and say I am one of those mamas. I don’t always realize the power of my words and how much they can hurt someone.

I’ve felt the shame from other mamas, and I’ve given it. I’ve cast off some moms assuming we aren’t on the same wavelength, not giving them a chance, but now I’ll never know. I have heard and made so many comments in the past judging other mamas. But, this has to stop.

Maybe we don’t agree with each other. That’s ok. I believe a healthy debate is great and necessary for change in the world. I think it’s important to be who you are, and not stay silent when you don’t agree with someone. But I think it’s important not to cast someone out because they don’t have the same beliefs as you.

It’s important we don’t spend time hating, name calling, public shaming. It’s not worth all the energy. It takes everything out of you. I feel angry when I read anything about someone shaming someone else for their choices or beliefs. I would love to give people a piece of my mind sometimes, but it’s not worth it. Hate can consume you and take everything from you. It can keep you stagnant, feeling alone and lost.

I sense a lot of division in our culture. The division grows deeper, as people spend more time bashing each other online than talking to each other face to face.

I see the division of mamas continuing. But I believe we are a force that can come together and love. We can’t come together through hate and shaming someone but we can come together and listen and ask questions and inform. I don’t know it all, but please tell me, help me understand. I want to hear an alternative point of view.

Please remember that mama, the same one you don’t like because she gave you that look when you were bottle feeding, the same one that laughed in your face when you said your kids don’t watch tv.

Those same mamas that don’t hang out with you anymore because you decided to go back to work, the one that couldn’t believe you were only 3 months pregnant because your belly was so big.

The one you are jealous of that looks so put together everyday, the one that keeps her house neat and organized, the one that wrote a public letter shaming you for being on your phone at the playground, the one that stopped you in the grocery store to tell you, you have your hands full with all those kids.

That mama is in the trenches of motherhood with you. You may not agree with her beliefs or the way she treated you, but she may have had postpartum depression like you, and you know she was waking up all night long with her newborn like you.

That mama you don’t like might be the one that sits with you at the hospital while you undergo chemo, she might hold your hand as you watch your kids go off to kindergarten, she might bring you a meal while your partner is away on business, she might pop over with donuts and coffee on a rough morning when your kids are driving you mad, she might listen to you when you desperately need someone to talk to.

That mama loves too. That mama hurts too.

It’s easy to feel alone in motherhood, in life. You get this feeling that no one understands, that you are alone, or that no one cares. But you are not alone. Love brings us together. Love changes us. Love changes the world.


Hi. I’m Carrie Usmar. I married a brit and we live with our 3 kids in an old cape in Rhode Island. We left suburbia for the country and I often share my ridiculous run-ins with nature.

I am a writer. Never did I think I would say those words. I’ve been a nanny, a mommy, a photographer, a barista, a donut maker, but writer was not on the list. Over time I have realized how much it helps me process, and grow. How much it helps others feel comfort.

I continue to be brave and share but there are periods where fear gets the best of me. Depression and PTSD wore me down over the years till I was unrecognizable. I share my journey of rising up from the darkness and finding the light. Find me on my blog, Mama Daring Greatly, and on FB, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.



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