Some Children Are Just Born Feral

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Some children are just born feral.

Parents can potty train and sleep train and teach manners until their brains are about to explode, but there are some children who, for some reason God only knows, can’t be tamed.

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They are the kids who pull their diapers off and paint the house with their own poop.

They are the kids who eat dead bugs off the floor and shove TNT snap-n-pops into their ear canals.

They are the kids who meet your emergency room deductible by February.

They are the kids who are responsible for your forehead wrinkles and every, single gray hair.

They play too close to the water, run through the hallways with forks, and somehow (like really, HOW?) climb the fireplace mantle.

Like I said, some children are just born feral.

So what should parents do with these tiny little wildebeests?

Society certainly has opinions. Experts have their theories. Authors have their books. Pharmacies have their pharms.

Little old ladies are gonna stop and shake their heads and their long wrinkled fingers, because they think they know.

But, parents, listen to me right now because I’m gonna save you some serious heartache and stress:

NOTHING. IS. GONNA. TAME. A. FERAL. BORN. CHILD.

So cover your electric outlets with plastic plugs and anchor your furniture to the floor. Hide your batteries on the highest shelf and lower that crib mattress a little more.

Hide your pets, put your forks and knives in a secret drawer (Then maybe move them once a week, just to be safe.)

Because you aren’t going to tame that feral child. Best you can hope for is to simply survive them.

And if some Know-It-All wants to tell you otherwise, you go find them a drunk and hungry hyena. Shove it into some Doc McStuffins pull-ups, and drop it off at that Know-It-All’s house.

Tell them it likes to eat broccoli and really needs a bath.

Then go back in 24 hours and see how confident Mr. Know It All still feels about parenting your feral born child.

Now it’s true that parents of feral children are tired.

Our hair is all frazzled and our houses falling apart brick by brick. We have long since given up on trying to impress the world with our awesome, awesome parenting skills.

We are okay with the fact that our child is wild. We are okay with the mess and the noise.

Believe it or not, we even RELISH IT.

(A little bit.)

Because only a feral child can teach you to see the world through an unfiltered lens.

Only a feral child can see a world of adventure in 1/8 acre flat, grassy lawn. Only a wild, unadulterated spirit knows the joy of streaking through the house after a bath, screaming like a banshee and feeling the wind on their buck naked skin.

It’s a little crazy, but let’s be honest: it’s pretty freaking fun.

Some children are just born feral. It’s true.

The sooner we accept that, the better off we will be. And just a thought, but maybe…just maybe

We have a little bit to learn from this wild at heart, freedom-filled, life-relishing little humans.

This post originally appeared on Mary Katherine’s Facebook page

MK is a mom who likes to write. She drinks coffee and loves Jesus and omg could she be anymore basic? Well, anyways. Her kids are 3 and 5. She found a cat at Waffle House last week, and dreams of being president one day, but would settle for being rich and eating tacos every day. Find her on Facebook or Twitter.

Some children are just born feral.Parents can potty train and sleep train and teach manners until their brains are…

Posted by Mary Katherine Backstrom on Thursday, February 7, 2019

6 COMMENTS

  1. YES!!! my twins are so like this. I do not try to clothe the wild if it is in the house. How did that stain get on the ceiling? Ask my toddler. Find a diaper or plate a food in the closet? Ask my toddlers

  2. I see this in many of my littles I teach and Love their curiosity of their world…They accept no boundaries in their world and still manage to be successful in their strives to Conquer! Let them be free but with Love and guidance to.keep them safe from broken bones and broken hearts and maybe s few grey hairs will be saved ?????

  3. Don’t worry. They will turn out ok. My daughter would take off her diaper and run through the house naked as a Jay bird all wild and free and suddenly stop, squat a tiny bit and pee on the floor and run away with glee. While the other kids where inside watching tv she would be in the back yard getting water making mud, and Making special mud pies. The great thing was that she did behave most of the time in public. She was a wild girl, but grew up to be an intelligent, sweet, beautiful girl who was an honor student, and she still is independent, and isn’t afraid to have adventures. She’s 22 yrs old and still likes to climb trees.

  4. Yes my kid’s are 3/5 also same boat everyday!!! We loose babysitters sometimes after only 1 Time! We can’t even afford kid’s like this because All the broken thing’s need a new couch ours is destroyed, the fridge shelves are all broken (never knew how much fridge shelves cost!) Now we need a new fridge! it’s like babysitting 10 kid’s instead of 2! I’m 40 years old with 4 kid’s one in college frankly I can’t keep up!!! Not something I would sign up for but apparently they’re dad was the same way & I know my 3 brother’s are to this day as grown men so Good luck momma’s!!!

  5. OMG

    My daughter, this is her. Turned 3 and I swear she could of been cast on mad max and the thunderdome.. I feel as if I’m chasing her through the house every moment I get, every word going in one ear and out the other, “don’t ride on the dogs hunny, they dont like that”, “please don’t throw your juice at mommy” like I’m speaking to the lost boys on Peter pan..

    No matter what she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and my wife, and I will never forget this adventure!

  6. I FREAKING LOVE YOU for writing this, aaaaaaaaaamen sister, my daughter is named after a GI JOE character (Scarlett) and her earned nick name is Pistol… I always refer to her as the fire that I cannot extinguish, but don’t always know how/where to direct ?

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