To this day, my parents still don’t know that I skinned my knee and broke my baby toe after jumping off Steve and Eddie’s garage, two blocks past where I was allowed to ride my Huffy Bike.
And they certainly don’t know that my first kiss was under a willow tree on a sweltering July afternoon in Anthony’s backyard when I was supposed to be with Emily and Amanda roller blading in the school parking lot.
And that was the joy of summer vacations in the 80s.
As a mom in 2022, I swear I would likely get arrested if I let my kids do half the crap my parents got away with decades ago. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have just a little bit of that nostalgia.
That’s where TikTok mom, @Shanyroo comes in.
She posted a viral video of her summer rules and the 80s vibes are so strong, I can feel the peeled sunburn on the tip of my nose and taste the grape ice pops melting down my hands.
The video has been viewed 3.7 million times, liked 406.5K times, and has attracted more than 7600 comments from other parents who are laughing hysterically at just how 80s mom Shanyroo’s attitude is.
“All right summer break is almost here, let’s go over the rules. Number one: you say the word snack, you get smacked.
Snack smack! Snack smack! Screen time?
Don’t care. Unlimited screentime. Don’t talk to me about it,” she says in the beginning of her video.
Does anyone else hate the word snacks?
Because when Shanyroo lays down the don’t-say-snack rule, I choked on my coffee from laughing.
One commenter knows what I mean. User 1238159684740 wrote, “Haha, the word “snack” is such a pet peeve especially when it’s whined at me, sending this to my 3 kids.”
Her rules go on to include details on just how peaced out she will be as a mom and how that will impact her kids.
“All meal services have been discontinued, we’re doing a snack bar type of scenario for summer, help yourself. I am trying to make you independent, you’re welcome. If you have a problem, figure it out yourself.
Do not talk to me about it, this is for your own good.
All maid services have been suspended for the summer, she has quit, that person is me, Who wants to vacuum? Who wants to sweep?
You can have any friends over you want as long as they don’t step foot in my house. I’ll be putting a bucket and a roll of paper towels in the shed for pooping.”
Literally, no one wants their kids to bring friends over just to raid the fridge, make messes, and add to the loud.
Shanyroo gets it. But hilariously, so do the commentators.
Dougherty Dozen, a popular mom on TikTok chimed in with, “I literally researched getting a porta potty so no friends come in my house…”
The maid is off for the summer, kids. Best of luck!
Many commentators loved this part, one person called Dawn wrote, “My mom always said if you leaning you cleaning, ya no stopping in front of her or we had a mop in our hands.”
After all, Shanyroo points out, this is all for the good of the children.
Because who doesn’t want their kids to be independent, right? One mom called I am T wrote, “I just sent this to all 3 of my kids. My youngest daughter said she don’t like being independent,” hahaha!
“Going forward, you’re responsible for all your sunscreen applications. I bought you continuous spray cans and there’s two of you, figure it out,” she says in the video.
“Last rule, no one’s allowed to wake anyone up in the morning except for me, I can do anything I want, but if you wake me up we go back to rule number one, we take out the snack and it’s just smacks…all smacks!
It’s going to be the best summer! As long as you leave me alone. I’m out!”
The level of IDGAF after two years of a pandemic and an absolute horror of a school year could not be more clear in her deadpan delivery.
And her fans know it, the commentators roundly applaud her 80s-style summer parenting philosophy, leaving many to add rules that weren’t mentioned. And others to ask when they can enroll in her program.
MissTakePDX wrote, “So, do I just send this to my kids? Is there a pamphlet or other supplementary material I should share? A visual reminder would be great, I think.”
And without missing a beat, Shanyroo replied, “I would say print it out and have them sign it as a contract and then put it on the wall so they know.” Ha!
One added a rule that we feel pretty sure needs its own full video.
LatWifeMom4 wrote, “You forgot…I am not your chauffeur. Do not plan field trips that require my participation, auto No!”
Shanyroo is picking up what we’re putting down, she responded with “I think I’m gonna have to make a part 2!” We’re keeping our eyes peeled for that one!
No matter what you have planned for the summer – even if it’s absolutely nothing at all – just know that there is a massive swath of dead ass tired moms who will not fault you if you adopt these hilariously 80s-style rules.
You can watch the full video here.