It started off well enough. Researching recipes of mushy baby food to lovingly prepare for my sweet baby as she progressed from milk to solids. I dreamed of lunch boxes and snacks made up non-processed food and low sugar treats. How hard could feeding a kid nutritious food be?
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Fast forward 11 or so years and add another kid and I’m pulling my hair out trying to provide anything that looks like the healthy food pyramid.
Most nights, I craft excuses as to why I should let someone else cook the food my kids will complain about. It’s too hot, it’s too late or we don’t have all the ingredients for that. Whatever the season, you can be sure I have a reason not to cook.
It turns out I’m not alone in my parenting food struggles as these 17 hilarious tweets from these parents prove. Here is the truth of what it’s actually like to feed kids around the clock.
- If they’ll eat it for breakfast you’ll stop caring that it probably belongs in the candy aisle.
Before kids: I'll never let my kids eat that garbage.
After kids: "Hi, do you guys sell that cereal that's just the marshmallows?"
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 25, 2018
2. You start off with the best of intentions
First kid: French toast, organic fruit
Second kid: Cereal
Third kid: Ketchup
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 28, 2018
3. Never dreaming that fast food will be your go to
1st child: never eats fast food because who puts that in their child’s body?
3rd child: lines the circumference of the earth with his happy meal toys
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) April 28, 2018
4. No matter what the experts say nuggets and parenting go together although kids might not be the best judges on portion size.
Me: How many chicken nuggets do you want tonight?
Me: As a guide, you usually have 4-6
7yo (thinking): 30
— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) March 19, 2018
5. Enroling them in sports helps ease the guilt somewhat.
Sign your kids up for sports so that they can get exercise, and drive-thru for dinner.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 6, 2016
6. Explaining the need for a range of foods might work in theory.
Man cannot live on bread alone.
Toddler: Challenge accepted.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) November 30, 2016
7. And although they eat almost nothing, they are ALWAYS in need of a snack.
-My kids, anytime they don’t have food in their hands
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 13, 2018
8. You can try to balance their diet but…..
6y.o, after removing every bite of pasta & broccoli from her bacon broccoli pasta dinner:
“Ahhh… it doesn’t get better than a big, full plate of bacon.”
I submit that it does not.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 29, 2018
9. You want your kids to eat a variety of food but also to not confuse you with a short-order cook.
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES!
Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast?
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) August 4, 2016
10. In order not to lose the only member of a food group, you find yourself hoping your kids won’t discover the truth about what they’re actually eating.
Please send prayers for my 3-year-old who just learned there are tomatoes in ketchup.
— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) May 1, 2018
11. But nothing is more important to your sanity than equal serves of sugar-laden treats.
If Child A has 2 scoops of ice cream in his bowl, and child B has 1 3/4 scoops, how many days will Mom have to hear about it?
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 14, 2015
12. Trying to involve your kids in family food choices, although recommended, can lead to moments you regret.
Curious what it's like to be a mom? Have someone shout your name every 30 seconds 1 inch from your face while trying to write a grocery list
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) August 16, 2017
13. But even when you buy what they want there will never be the right food in your home.
Welcome to parenthood.
Hope you like hearing “THERE’S NOTHING TO EAT!” right after you just spent your life savings at the grocery store.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 7, 2018
14. Dinner is a special time where you can potentially spoil everyone’s day with one decision.
Nothing ruins a child’s day quite like finding out what’s for dinner.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 2, 2018
15. But it’s so nice when your kids appreciate the time spent shopping, preparing and cooking their meals.
It's weird how when my kids try to say:
Thank you for making us dinner, Mom!
It comes out:
Ugh, this again?
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) November 6, 2016
16. Even when they get the choice of their two favorite menu items, kids can’t be pleased
Why hasn’t any restaurant created a kid’s menu “sampler” yet so these toddlers have no way of saying “I didn’t want pizza, I wanted chicken.” Well, dude, it’s all right there. Now whatchu gonna complain about?
— Danielle and Farrah (@effinghandbook) April 15, 2018
17. Although eating with your own kids is painful, eating with others seems like fun. Hey, they might even share.
The past two Fridays after school I have seen the same group of teens walking home with a store cake and I would like to know how I get in on this Friday cake club.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) May 4, 2018
And that’s what feeding kids is actually like.