6 years ago, I left the working world and became a full-time stay-at-home parent.
Instead of waking up at the crack of dawn to take a shower, straighten my hair, and enjoy a steaming hot coffee, I was waking up before the crack of dawn to feed, feed, feed my baby and then feed her some more.
And for the most part, I loved it. I mean, I got to cuddle the squishy human I gave birth to all day, every day. I got to experience and copiously document all of her developmental milestones. I was doing exactly what I had always wanted to do.
BUT (you knew there was a “but” coming), it wasn’t always easy. I missed my free-time. I missed my husband. I missed my pre-baby life.
What I needed at the time was to know my feelings were normal, that this transition is hard for everyone. And, honestly, I needed to laugh a whole lot more.
Thankfully, the hilarious parents of Twitter are keeping it real, as always, and giving us an inside look at what it’s like to be a stay-at-home-parent.
6 years ago, I left the working world and became a full-time stay-at-home parent.
1. The joys of the witching hour.
The acronym SAHM, pronounced correctly, sounds like one agonized wail lasting from around 3pm through sundown.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) April 9, 2018
2. And around-the-clock burping, nursing, and diapers.
Life with a newborn:
33% nursing someone who wants to burp
33% burping someone who wants to nurse
34% poop— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 1, 2018
3. Don’t forget about all the cleaning you get to do during the day.
Monday mornings as a stay-at-home parent are kind of like cleaning up after a massive house party that you weren't even invited to.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 27, 2017
4. A very, very long day.
Why don’t they tell us that once you have kids each day is 1000 hours long?
I feel like they should have told us.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) March 29, 2018
5. To be honest, I don’t even know what day it is.
Being a SAHM gets your days so messed up. Is it Tuesday? Is it Thursday? Idk but I know it’s not Friday bc it’s never Friday ?
— ???? ?????? ? (@RainParrie) April 13, 2018
6. Because my days all kind of look the same now.
The Life of a SAHM Who Writes, in 16 Words: Up early, coffee, write, discover someone peed on the wall, clean the wall, back to writing.
— Kim Bongiorno ??????? (@LetMeStart) March 3, 2012
7. Except when this kind of stuff happens.
As I tell someone how grateful I am to be SAHM,3yo starts shrieking bec I won't let him climb out a 2nd story window.
Well played, universe
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) October 17, 2016
8. At least people don’t expect stay-at-home-parents to look put-together.
I put the "mess" in SAHM.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 17, 2014
9. Or change their outfits every day.
On Wednesdays, we wear what we were wearing on Tuesday. Probably.
– Mom version of Mean Girls— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 15, 2018
10. As long as we look alive, that’s good enough.
Look alive! I tell myself as my husband pulls into the driveway at night.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) April 19, 2017
11. This is a big plus.
Super glad this sahm thing is working out. Been Googling "jobs that don't require pants," and the market looks pretty sparse.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 19, 2014
12. Still, a little appreciation would be nice.
Being at SAHM is great if you love doing everything all day and having nothing to show for it, except dirty yoga pants and ungrateful kids.
— bottom of my purse (@Bottomofmypurse) April 17, 2018
13. A salary would be pretty nice, too.
So what's my title once my kids are both in school? Housewife? Is that like a demotion from sahm? Do I keep my currently salary?
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 20, 2016
14. Let’s just say, thank goodness for the occasional childcare.
And on the 8th day, god said let there be gym daycares and all the stay-at-home moms rejoiced.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) June 26, 2015
15. The weekends are pretty neat. Just kidding.
For stay at home moms there are no Fridays. Only darkness. Empty, cold, darkness.
— Difficult Mommy (@difficultmommy) May 26, 2017
16. We can always hope for this to happen.
Sign that you're a stay-at-home-mom: You look forward to one day getting called in for jury duty.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 19, 2014
17. You know what makes the day go faster: preparation.
Items you’ll need to be a successful SAHM:
Puzzles
Art accessories
Educational toys
Fire pit to burn all of those things
IPAD for each child
Netflix streaming 24 hrs day
Vat of coffee
Therapist
Panic room (for you) stocked with chocolate & wine shooters— ??MacgyveringMom22? (@MacgyveringM22) April 12, 2018
18. And visitors.
Cleaning your house really well before a new mom friend comes over for the first time is like wearing a heavily padded push-up bra on the first date.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 27, 2018
19. Maybe not all visitors.
I can do magic. When new people ask me what I do, I tell them that I'm a stay at home parent and Poof! the conversation disappears.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 7, 2018
20. Still, I wouldn’t change my job for all the world.
Being a SAHM is the hardest thing I love to do.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 18, 2018
Lauren Lodder earned her BA from UC Berkeley and her MA from CSUF. Before becoming a freelance writer, she taught writing and literature classes at the college level. You can find her on Facebook and on Twitter. Her work has appeared on HuffPost, Scary Mommy, Babble, Buzzfeed, The Mighty, among others.