When I became a mother I wasn’t prepared for it. Sure, I’d read books, I’d shopped for all of the baby gear, I’d asked endless questions. But nothing really prepared me for what lay ahead.
I wasn’t prepared for the fierce love and overwhelming need to protect this little person. I wasn’t prepared for the feeling that my heart was now forever outside of my body. Or that it would very nearly burst with joy.
I also wasn’t prepared for the bone-numbing exhaustion. Or the doubt. Or the neverending worry.
And I wasn’t prepared for the loneliness of motherhood.
It’s so weird because you are literally never alone and yet at the same time, you’ve never felt so lonely.
They say it takes a village to raise kids, but the reality is, most of us don’t have a village.
And making mom friends? Isn’t nearly as easy as it sounds.
In an all too relatable and raw TikTok about wishing she had a mom friend to share her journey with one mom is pulling back the curtain on just how lonely motherhood can be.
Alison is a mom of two under two. She is squarely in the thick of life with littles.
And for every mom who has ever known the isolation & loneliness of wanting mom friends, her 38-second TikTok video will hit you right in the feels.
As she films herself pushing a stroller around an empty park she says:
“Every time I walk my kids around the park, I have this fantasy that is kind of sad.”
‘I’ll run into another mom and she’ll have kids the same age and she’ll just happen to live like right in my neighborhood and want to be friends and hang out all the time.”
And let’s be honest, what mom doesn’t want this? A friend who is living a parallel life. Someone who just gets it. Someone who can sit with us in the trenches.
Alison goes on to describe her perfect mom friend. You know, THE ONE.
The mom friend that if she were to write up an ad for “Tinder For Moms,” would read something like:
Lonely mom looking for mom friend who loves coffee, wine, hanging out with our kids, and watching movies. (Bonus points if you live within walking distance.)
“And like her house will be babyproofed and my house will be babyproofed and we’ll just…I don’t know, drink coffee or wine and watch movies and hang out with our kids.”
Sounds pretty damn near perfect to me. Except, finding THE ONE? Isn’t as easy as swiping right. In fact, it can feel downright impossible.
“But that never happens.”
Ooooof. And boy, do I feel this. Because I’ve been this mom.
Alison goes on to say that every time she sees another mom she just waves and mouths “hi”.
“It’s so pathetic.”
And this is where her TikTok ends. But it’s not the end of the story.
The thing is, Alison is NOT alone.
So many women have inundated the comment section with their own stories. And it’s crystal clear that moms everywhere can relate to how hard it is to find friends.
Some moms talk about the one who got away:
Others address the fact that fundamentally we’re all the same. We all want mom friends but all of us are scared to make the first move.
When did making friends become so awkward?
Or genius, just sayin’
The reality is that life changes irrevocably after we become mothers. Friends we had pre-kids likely won’t be the friends that we journey with through parenting.
Yes, life with kids is amazing. But it’s also really freaking hard.
And moms NEED friends.
We need the connection. We need to feel seen and heard and understood. We need people to do life with. Fellow moms who just GET IT. And who get us.
We need someone who we can be real with, in the mess and the chaos. Who we can share our hopes and fears with. Someone to sit with us in the nitty-gritty. And who we can laugh with when we feel like crying.
We need a friend we can text silly memes to and who texts them back.
We need someone we can talk to endlessly about all the things and someone to hold space when there are no words left to say.
We need someone we can bitch to about never being able to go the bathroom alone, or drink coffee hot, or how much we may go crazy if one more person asks for one more thing but who won’t judge us. Because she also knows at the end of the day, we wouldn’t trade it for anything.
We need a friend that can talk us off the ledge when the diapers explode, the threenager is tantruming, and the baby just won’t stop crying.
Because being able to share our struggles is just as important, no, MORE important than sharing our triumphs.
Alison’s TikTok has gone viral with over 627K, 74K likes, and 4K comments. And it’s a great reminder to all of us still waiting to find our mom BFF that we are not alone.
So next time you see that other mom at the park, don’t just wave and mouth hi. Stop and chat. Chances are she needs a friend just as much as you do.
@mommy_alison