Wife Sends Husband To Grocery Store With a “Special” List Of Things That Don’t Exist

We all know by now that being an adult is no picnic. To an extent you’re in control of your own decisions; for example, I just ate pizza before 10am -my choice!- so adulting definitely has its perks.

Granted, there’s the crippling stress, bills, kids, & countless items on the daily “To Do” list, but… morning pizza’s cool, too.

It goes without saying that one of the worst parts about being an adult is the constant, relentless feeling of being responsible for every.last.thing. Even our weekends are typically consumed with the more mundane tasks like food- it’s always about FOOD.

The endless preparation of food, the arguing with kids about consuming the food, the buying of more food, & the predictable complaints from kids that “there’s nothing to eat here!’.

While marriage & parenting are both joint efforts, there’s often one partner that seems to be the “default”- the one that keeps all of the plates spinning in the background while the other is blissfully ignorant about what’s on those plates.

And grocery shopping to fill those plates is another task that typically falls onto one partner more than the other.

While it may seem like an easy task from the outside, handling the family grocery shopping is no small feat. And don’t even get me started on the unique hell that is bringing actual small FEET -you know, your kids- with you on a grocery shop.

Your partner may think you’re exaggerating about how tedious & overwhelming a task like handling the family’s weekly grocery shopping can be… until she or he finally does it.

Karen Alpert of the popular blog Baby Sideburns posted a picture that hilariously nails how exactly how tough it can be to handle the household’s “default” tasks. 

According to her Facebook post description, Karen had spent most of the day running from task to task while her husband… umm… just didn’t. At all. And Karen wasn’t having it:

OMG my hubby has been lying on the couch all morning while I’m doing soooo much stuff so I finally got super annoyed and sent him to the grocery store.

I feel you, girl. The best way to work out on a weekend is by rage-vacuuming while your spouse naps, which burns way more calories than regular weekday vacuuming. It’s science.

But she thoughtfully wrote out a shopping list for him, since he’s apparently not used to doing the family grocery run:

If you read this list and cackled in cynical glee, then you’re likely the default parent who does all.the.things. And if you didn’t see the humor in it, well, we’re laughing at you. 

The funny thing about this list? The vast majority of these items don’t EXIST. And that was the whole point.

Take the milk, for example. There are several varieties of milk sold in your average grocery store- we’ve got skim milk. Whole milk. 1%, 2%, almond milk, soy milk, etc. While a few people have claimed that 3% milk does indeed exist somewhere in the world, it won’t be found on the shelf of a typical American grocery store. 

As soon as he hit the store, the phone call/text would have happened.

If you’re the default shopper in your family, then you’re well acquainted with “the call”. It’s the call you get from your befuddled partner asking for help from the store. “What brand again?” “Where is that?” “Which one do I like, again?” 

But as Karen mentions in her description… 

And yes, I turned off my ringer.

SHE SHUT OFF HER PHONE!!! You’re on your OWN, buddy! Time to put your big-boy pants on & muddle through this “special” shopping list.

You know this shop of shame concluded with him slinking back in the dairy section -basket still empty, head hanging low- in search of “mellow” cheese. Followed by the organic pop tarts, & yes, they DO actually exist. In some stores, anyway.

But if you’ve ever eaten an organic pop tart, then you know that his acquisition of those is anything but a taste-victory.

Now did this amusing shopping list anecdote actually happen? We don’t know, & it really doesn’t matter, because the very idea of it is enough to render it hilarious.

Although we don’t know exactly how the trip ended, it likely concluded with an empty basket and a resounding sense of defeat, and perhaps a burgeoning respect for his spouse who, again, handles all.the.things.

Or at the minimum a lot of embarrassment when he asked for all of these mythical things. 

It can be tough to be the partner that carries the majority of the “unseen” tasks, whether it’s the husband OR the wife in that position.

This post is a hysterical reminder of how easy it is to overlook our partner’s contributions- until we’re stuck doing one of them, that is (or trying to…)!