Hilarious Dell Curry Twitter Thread On Modern Dating Is Really For All Men Considering Divorce

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On the day you say “I do” no one plans on it NOT lasting forever. You promise to love and cherish ’til death do you part AND you mean it.

But then life happens. Circumstances change. People change. Relationships change.

Years go by and you start to think maybe the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe there’s something more. Something better. Some ONE better.

Well, STOP IT. 

Because according to Twitter user @solomonmissouri, jumping back into the dating scene isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it’s downright horrifying. 

He took to Twitter to share his revelations in the wake of news breaking that Dell and Sonya Curry (NBA superstar Steph Curry’s parents) are calling it quits after 33 years of marriage.

The couple has been together for more than 3 decades. They have raised 2 sons, Stephen and Seth, and a daughter, Sydel. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Wardell Curry (@stephencurry30)

In a statement to People magazine they said:

“After exploring a trial separation over the past year and much thoughtful consideration, we have decided to end our marriage. As this comes with a great deal of sadness, our focus and desire is for our family’s continued happiness. We are so thankful for all the many blessings and successes!”

We stay committed to and supportive of our children and grandchildren and will remain on connected paths. We ask that our privacy be respected and prayer for our family as we move forward.”

However, it’s not prayers that @solomonmissouri is offering up. It’s schooling. 

And if his hilarious cautionary thread about the horrors of modern dating doesn’t make you want to re-profess your undying love and devotion to your spouse, I don’t know what will.

He starts out with a warning shot:

After all, it’s been 30 YEARS. A lot has changed. That side part and skinny jeans? There’s no place for you here.

And so begins the barrage of terrifyingly epic examples of ALL the reasons NOT to return to the world of dating.

It’s a whole new world. With things like podcasts and group chats. TikTok and stupid internet challenges.

And it’s not just about navigating social media and swiping right. There are other things to consider. Like what you’re going to eat now. And it’s not just avocado toast and beyond meat burgers.

You and your cholesterol better learn to like it. Because this is your life now. 

What is out here?  Are crab legs, apparently. And drinking your coffee cold. Which, let’s face it, after surviving years with littles, this is nothing you haven’t done before.  

And forget Cancun. It’s TULUM.

And if none of this is making any sense to you right now because you’re old and probably shouldn’t get divorced, @solomonmissouri has one thing to say to you: Listen and pray.

 And then, “Beloved…Whatever went wrong…Go back and make it right.”

Make.It.Right.

But just in case Beyonce isn’t enough to convince you, here’s a friendly little PSA – “They pegging out here…”

And if you have no clue what “pegging” is, you’re not alone. According to one tweeter, there has been a 15% upsurge in google searches. Just for the love, don’t google it at work, trust me on this.

However, it’s not just the pegging, or the turmeric, or the TikTok that should have you running back home.

It’s this: Those people out there? In the dating pool? They are the “children of Rihanna born in the fires of chaos.” And they will consume you. (And then douse you in moon water and surround you in rose quartz.)

@solomonmissouri ends his free marital therapy session with a plea for Dell to “Go home and be a family man!”

While the advice is directed at Dell, it may all be in vain. Rumor has it that Sonya is the one who actually filed for divorce. 

However, at least one guy on Twitter is convinced.

We all know marriage takes a lot of work. It isn’t easy. But getting back out into the dating world sounds like its own special kind of hell. So before you choose what’s behind door #3 you may just want to try some couples therapy first. 

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