While many adults savor a delectable cup of coffee now & then, we parents find it less of a luxury & more a tool for survival. In lieu of SLEEPLESS NIGHTS with a cranky teething baby, parents guzzle coffee. And more coffee. And MORE coffee.
- Coffee is a parent priority. The kids don’t think so, but they can wait. A little.
First we take care of the kids’ immediate needs, then we drink the coffee, and then we take care of the kids’ less immediate needs.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 25, 2018
2. Parents will go to long lengths to get some. On their knees. Literally.
Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee.
— Ash(es to ashes) (@adult_mom) March 16, 2016
3. The coffee addiction for parents starts early. Like, 6am early.
Before I had kids, I didn't know I could drink a pot of coffee before 6am.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 6, 2016
4. The KIDS start early, which is why the coffee is essential.
My 4yo woke me up at 2am last night because his blanket wasn't flat.
*pours 5th cup of coffee*
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 10, 2014
5. By 3pm, we parents need.more.coffee. Stat.
Remember when you were young and didn’t need a cup of coffee at 3 PM just to survive the afternoon?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 12, 2018
6. The bedtime routine alone requires at least one full cup.
Parenting is pouring yourself a cup of coffee at 7pm just to have enough energy to put the kids to bed and enjoy your Sunday night.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 11, 2017
7. Parenting without caffeine can be… challenging.
Just tried sipping coffee out of my phone instead of my mug. Like 4 times in a row before I realized what I was doing.
Don't have kids.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 14, 2016
8. Because kids have way more energy than parents. Always.
7yo: Why can't I have coffee?
Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are
7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) August 13, 2016
9. But the rush of caffeinated adrenaline is AH-mazing!
Me [waking up] I’d rather die than stand up today
Also me [five minutes after coffee] I should flip a house
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 15, 2018
10. We depend on that daily coffee dose, made just the way we like it. Apparently.
Moms ordering coffee like, "I'll just have my regular – cold with a toy garnish."
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 13, 2017
11. Some parents drink iced coffee. (Just kidding. All parents do, because KIDS.)
Recipe for iced coffee:
1. Have kids
2. Make coffee
3. Forget you made coffee
4. Drink it cold
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) May 2, 2016
12. As a parent, drinking your coffee while it’s hot is rare. Like, really, REALLY rare.
Today I finished a cup of coffee while it was still warm and I've never felt more alive.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 29, 2018
13. Coffee can often be a parent’s highlight of a day. Sometimes the only highlight.
"I just want to drink my coffee and not clean pee off the couch today," I tell my husband. It was then I realized I set my goals too high.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) May 19, 2017
14. Coffee is good for you, which is good for those AROUND you.
Scientists have again found, in a new study, that coffee is good for you. Which is good news for exhausted parents because we’d still risk drinking it even if it was pure poison.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 3, 2018
15. It can also be a great diversionary tactic…
Me, to kids: "Yes, I'll play, as soon as I finish my coffee."
(Genius! We all know parents never get to actually finish a cup of coffee.)
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 3, 2017
16. That’s why NOT having it can make a parent grumpy.
Me: Sorry, Mommy's a little grumpy today.
7yo: Awwww. You didn't get your coffee today, did you?
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 1, 2016
17. Or just heartbroken.
If you want to see something funny knock over an adult's coffee before their first sip. They will cry real tears.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) July 8, 2015
18. Coffee is survival for parents, so step back & let us order. No, seriously.
Moms should get a fastpass to the front of the line at coffee shops. Like, it should be in order by necessity. Honey, you’re 19 and got 10 hours of sleep last night? Back of the line.
— Danielle and Farrah (@effinghandbook) May 30, 2018
Here’s to the joy of the java bean! Thanks, coffee, for helping parents survive since forever.