We haven’t even reached the peak of the Covid-19 outbreak, and 10 days into social distancing we’re all starting to go a little squirrelly. The novelty of “Netflix and chill” is beginning to wane; boredom is setting in.
And boredom, my friends, is a dangerous mistress.
Bad things can happen in the name of boredom. And by “bad things”, I mean things like eating an entire tub of Häagen-Dazs banana chocolate brownie ice cream in one sitting.
Or, worse: a follicular flight of fancy, as in cutting your own bangs.
You may think that it’s a good idea to cut your own bangs. It is not. Heed my warning now, before it’s too late. Sweet mother love, leave the bang-cutting to the professionals.
This is no time for amateur hour.
“I’m really glad I cut my own bangs,” said no woman, ever.
So put the scissors down, Susan. PUT THEM DOWN.
And don’t feel bad if this is you. There is a psychological reason behind why you are seriously considering taking up the shears right now. When challenging times comes knocking (or barrelling in like a freight train: hello coronacopalyse), humans often seek change.
We look for ways to distance ourselves from the “bad” in the hope that it will propel us down the opposite path, towards something good.
New look=New life, right??
(Not so much.)
Bangs are not the change you should seek. I know, it’s tempting. You tell yourself that life will become immeasurably better after bangs.
I assure you, it will not.
Look I get it. Times are hard. Most of us are pining for the joy of yester-years and languishing in the boredom that is social distancing. We miss the way things used to be in our lives pre-coronavirus. We miss getting together with friends and going out for coffee.
We long for normalcy: the time when there was endless supplies of toilet paper, and canned soup was just a lowly staple we could buy anytime… until they were no longer there.
We miss going to the cinema, eating out, and having our hair done. Instead, we are trapped in the house, binge-watching 80s and 90s movies on Netflix.
And we start to think, wouldn’t it be great to go back to that time when we were young, carefree, and our enormous bangs were lacquered with AquaNet?
We see Molly Ringwald rocking the bangs in The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink and Sixteen Candles. And of course there’s Meg Ryan with her feathered fringe in When Harry Met Sally. We start to think, “Hey, maybe I should cut some bangs.”
We turn to Pinterest and the Internet. We google “celebrities with bangs,” and are reminded of how good they look on celebrities like Zooey Deschanel, Emma Stone and Hilary Duff.
We covet the blunt bangs of Gwen Stefani, the side-swept bangs of J.Lo, and the parted bangs of Jennifer Lawrence.
But do not be monstrously deceived. For now, is NOT the time.
Granted, celebrity hairstylist Mark Townsend shared his enthusiasm for bangs in a 2019 interview with Refinery29:
There’s never a wrong time to get bangs. Nothing should stop you — not the weather outside, your face shape, or even your hair type.
… but clearly he was unaware that a pandemic was going to sweep the globe in the near future.
NOW is most definitely the wrong time to cut your own bangs.
Please don’t misunderstand me; I’m not anti-bang. Bangs have the potential to be great (until they’re not.) They can complement most face shapes, are a bold way to change your look with minimal effort, and they’re versatile.
And sure, when you first have them cut -by a PROFESSIONAL- they look fantastic and you love them. But love is fleeting.
Soon enough you find yourself cursing their existence. You then spend months growing your bangs out, swearing that you will never, ever get bangs again (until three years later, when you repeat the process again).
Perhaps you’re on the verge of doing it right now. Perhaps not. Maybe you have reached the stage where bangs sound like the answer to all of your problems:
If you haven’t reached the desperate, scissor-happy stage? Thank the hair gods and ask that they be forever in your favor. But also remember that you can never let your guard down.
No one is immune. The lure of the bang does not discriminate. It will attack the old and the young.
Even my 11-year-old daughter is feeling the fringe itch. She asked me yesterday to give her bangs. Thankfully, I resisted.
That brings me to another crucial point; please don’t try to cut your children’s hair either. Now is not the time to try to be a hair hero.
Don’t repeat the mistakes of our parents- keep the bowls in the cupboard where they belong.
These are challenging times, but we must learn from our past follicular failings for the sake of ourselves and our children.
Stay strong my friends. Back away from the shears and the razors, the clippers and the “shaping” bowls.
There are other ways to stave off boredom. Read a book, take the dog for a walk, or learn to knit. Take a free online course, give yourself a manicure, or make some tacos. Do anything else BUT cut your own bangs.
Be a part of the resistance. Fight the fringe!