“Oh two boys! They’re so beautiful! Are you going to try again for a girl?”
It’s a conversation starter I’ve heard approximately 379 times since giving birth to my second son 7 months ago. Typically I just smile and thank them for the compliment, totally ignoring the question.
What I WANT to tell them is that no, I’m not done having children but that it’s none of their business. I want to tell them that I’m perfectly happy being a BOY MOM and that if I popped out 15 more boys and never in my life gave birth to a baby girl that would be fine.
I want to tell them that I don’t need a girl.
I know, I know. The bond between mother and daughter is totally unlike the mother-son bond I share with my boys. I know that there are things that the mother of a girl gets to do that the mother of only boys probably never will. I realize that there are things that I may miss out on if I never have a girl of my own.
But still, I don’t need a girl.
There are times that I have thought about the things that I could miss if I never have a girl. I’ve thought about the school dances that I won’t get to pick dresses for. I’ve thought about the fact that I would never get to bear the title “Mother of the Bride.”
I’ve thought about how my sons probably won’t call me with QUESTIONS ABOUT PREGNANCY. I know that there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be invited into the delivery room when it comes time for my grandchildren to enter the world. I realize that there are a number of things I may never experience if I never have a daughter.
Taking all of that into consideration, I still don’t need a girl.
The truth is for about 8 weeks of my second pregnancy we were under the impression that our baby was a girl. We were immediately bombarded with gifts in all shades of pink. We had a beautiful name picked for who we knew would be a beautiful baby girl. Our families were absolutely thrilled.
I didn’t really want that baby girl though.
Sure I had perused the clearance racks of tiny dresses and bows. I had an entire registry already filled with lace and frills. I jumped the gun on everything, but only in an effort to convince myself that having a girl would be fun.
Deep down, I wanted another boy. When the ultrasound revealed that sweet baby was in fact a he and not a she, I was relieved. I gladly exchanged all of the shades of pink for the wonderfully familiar shades of blue. I marveled once again over tiny dinosaur covered onesies and camouflage blankets. Our families were still happy, but now I was the one who was thrilled.
I always knew that I didn’t need a girl.
The moment they placed MY FIRST BORN into my arms I experienced love like no other. The love I have for him is so strong that I knew from the first conversation about having a second that I wanted another boy. Trucks and dinosaurs cover my home instead of baby dolls and Barbies. My boys are loud and demanding, rough and tumble, “all boy” types and I love every second of it.
I don’t need a girl.
I would be lost without the constant chaos that is being a boy mom. My boys have a way of pushing me to the brink of insanity and bringing me back simultaneously with their stunning smiles. My toddler knows just when I need a hand to hold, a big bear hug, or a sword fight.
There may be things I won’t experience, but I know that the things I will far outweigh those.
I get to be two little boys first love. I get to set the standard for how they treat women, and how they allow women to treat them. I get to show them how to be gentle, yet strong. I get to teach them that manliness doesn’t come from hiding your emotions and pushing people around, but rather from expressing yourself and encouraging others.
I get to raise someone’s husbands and fathers.
Girls are great, I’m sure. They are just as beautiful and capable as any man. I wouldn’t love a girl any less if I was to have one, and I know we would have a relationship just as special as I do with my boys.
To be completely happy with my life, though, I don’t need a girl.