I Still Enjoy Sex, I Just Don’t Want Sex. But, I Want To Want Sex.

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This post is sponsored by Right To Desire. The author was compensated through payment and product. However, all opinions are the sole opinions of the author. 

Let’s face it.

Many women, want to want sex, but it is not a subject easily or frequently talked about. In fact, in many cases, sex is only discussed by women when talking about how often their partners complain about not getting enough of it.

We hear things like “sex is all he cares about” or “who has time for that anyway?” Rarely do we sit around talking about how we wish we want to want sex.

What if it didn’t have to be that way?

What if I were to tell you that we, as women, have as much right as men do to enjoy sex and to WANT it?

As a mother of 3 children and a woman who has been with her partner for over a decade, I personally admit that wanting to have sex has become an obstacle for me.

Don’t get me wrong…. I still enjoy sex, I just don’t want sex. At least, not as often as wish I wanted it.

Weird….right?

Actually, it’s not weird at all.

There are many reasons a woman may no longer want to want sex the way she used to.

Sometimes this bothers her, sometimes it doesn’t. If you are a woman who, like me, wants to want it again, I’m here to tell you that Right To Desire may be the resource you’ve been searching for.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) is a legitimate medical condition with available options for treatment, which should be discussed with a woman’s physician and has been medically recognized since the 1970s. By visiting right to desire there is even a helpful tool on their diagnosis page where women can go to search for providers who specialize in women’s sexual health difficulties.

And that’s just it….lack of sex drive can be a difficult reality for many women, regardless of society’s view that it should not be acknowledged at all.

Society, in many ways, tells us that we aren’t supposed to want to have sex. We’re supposed to be sexy, we’re supposed to be comfortable in our skin, we’re supposed to keep it on display for others, but to want sex is going to put you on the outside of the “norm”.

We’re told that lack of desire is an acceptable feeling after we become mothers, or have been with our partners for an extended period of time, or become more appreciative of the “real” things in life.

As if sex is something only to be enjoyed by our younger, more rebellious selves.

Unfortunately, those were the times in my life when I do remember wanting it, enjoying it and getting a lot more of it. And you know what? I miss it.

I miss the uninhibited feeling it gave me to know that I could enjoy it shamelessly as a newly married woman and that having the “honeymoon” glow was something sweet and enduring to outsiders looking in.

My husband and I would giggle the next morning over coffee and discuss the adventures we were going to have that day (obviously this was before we had kids), all the while reminiscing over the adventure we had the night before. 

We could get away for the weekend, even though we really didn’t have anything we had to get away from, and know we could expect a weekend of frolicking, which would provide exciting memories for several weeks afterwards.

Once kids, careers and life in general came into the picture, these exciting times became fewer and far between.

I’ll admit that long stretches of time can easily go by and I don’t even notice how long it’s been since I’ve enjoyed the embrace of my husband on that level.

He notices.

In fact, it’s become a frequent source of frustration in our relationship.

He’s frustrated that I don’t want it and I’m frustrated that he can’t see WHY I don’t want it.

My to-do list has become so long, that he is completely left OFF the to-do list.

It’s not even a thought.

Something that used to be such a beautiful representation of our love and adoration for each other is literally not even a thought in my brain for days, sometimes weeks at a time.

His hurt becomes apparent. His frustration becomes apparent. My resentment becomes tangible.

Can’t he see the messy house we’re living in? Can’t he hear all the times my kids are calling out to me, needing something from me? How can he possibly think that I can stand one more person needing something from me?

It doesn’t have to be this way. It should not be this way.

I’m envious of the ways in which he still looks at me. He is the most attractive man I know and I hate that there are times I simply can’t silence my mind enough to remember how deeply attracted to him I truly am.

I wish I could shut out the world and our responsibilities the way he seems to be able to simply to have some time “together”. I wish I could listen to the physical parts of my body the way in which it’s yearning to be listened to.

Self-care can be more than bubble baths and a good book. Self-care can be more than having a few hours alone.

It can be frustrating for many couples when someone in the relationship has a low sex drive. So, what should you do if you don't want sex? There is help for women struggling with wanting sex. #sex #marriage #filterfreeparents

Sometimes self-care needs to be finding a way to remember the parts of yourself that still exist.

Sometimes that means asking for more help from your partner to tackle your lengthy to-do list so that they can be “penciled” in again. Helping to clear the clutter from the tables so you can work on clearing the clutter from your mind that’s preventing you from listening to your own heartbeat.

Knowing that it’s okay to want to want to have sex again. Knowing that it’s okay to seek help from a medical professional when that part of your physical being isn’t performing the way you want it to. In the same way you would seek help for any other part of your body that isn’t working properly.

It’s okay to admit it when something feels lost. It’s okay to talk about it.

Most importantly….it’s okay to DO something about it.

Please visit Right to Desire to learn more today.

 

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