I just got done yelling at my kids. I put all their favorite toys in time out and I threatened them with Santa Claus.
And, I hated every second of it. HATED. EVERY.SECOND.
I hate my voice like that. I hate their sad faces when their toys get put on the counter. HATE. Motherhood is not quite what i thought it would be, and I am certainly not the mother I thought I would be.
I thought I’d be a little more mary poppins and a little less…i dunno, crazy referee, constantly on the verge of running to the locker room to break down.
I thought we’d bake chocolate chip cookies and make up songs and sit on the floor and play counting games.
I thought i’d have time to make breakfast every morning.
I thought my kids clothes would stay clean and that I wouldn’t get tired of telling them not to pick their nose.
I thought we would live the life of the families that come standard in picture frames: picnics. smores. dog kisses. all that stuff.
But every time I pull out the flour to bake cookies, the baby starts crying. my kids start wrestling and fighting and arguing right in the middle of my silly songs, and they whine about being bored whenever I try to play counting games. Now don’t get my wrong, motherhood is wonderful.
I am living my dream life. But it’s very, very different than I thought it would be.
Because in my head, I thought that mothering would be more like babysitting, but it’s not. It’s not like babysitting at all. Mothering is going into battle every day. Mothering is fighting to make sure your kids know how to make it in this world. Mothering is putting on your complete armor every day to protect your kids from becoming tiny, little jerks. Mothering is working your hiney off to raise kids, to grow kids, to rear kids into becoming all that God has for them.
And so I’ve decided that while I can’t do all the things I hoped I’d do as a mother, I can pick one thing and I can do it every day. I can make that one thing my saving grace, the one thing that keeps me sane, the one thing that keeps me from feeling like a big fat mommy failure. So pick one thing and do it. Do it every day. Do it better than anyone else. You can’t do it all, so do what’s most important.
This post originally appeared at In & Out Beauty by Amy Weatherly.
I love red lipstick, graphic tees, and Diet Dr. Pepper a little more than I probably should. Most days you can find me lounging in sweatpants, running kids from one place to the other like a crazy person. My family is my home and my passion is helping women find courage, confidence, and the deep-rooted knowledge that their life has a deep and significant purpose. Find me on Facebook, or come join my FB group at In & Out Beauty by Amy.