You’re Going To Be Too Much For Some People, But Stop Apologizing.


I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

I’m too much for some people. Too loud; too outspoken. I talk too much. I voice my opinions far too often and forget the filter.


To others, I am too quiet. Shy. Off putting, maybe even stuck up.

To some I’m just a mom. A mom who could stand to lose a few pounds. Someone who needs to get it together. I’m disheveled – a hot mess. I make lists only to forget them on my kitchen counter.

To others I’m too career driven, too organized; by the book. A control freak, too structured. A planner.

Do you see a trend here? I’m always going to be too much for some and not enough for others, when in reality I’m both. I’m equal parts loud and quiet. I’m career driven and a hot mess mama.

As women we worry so much about what other people think or what we think they might be thinking. We create judgments in our own heads. We hear undertone where it’s not even meant to exist. We over-analyze text messages. We worry why we didn’t get the invite. We see glances and whispers and assume they must be directed at us.

We waste so much of our time worrying about what other people’s opinions of us are.

We try so hard to bend ourselves fifty different ways to fit a mold in hopes of somehow satisfying everyone else, only to leave ourselves feeling empty.

But, why? For what?


Sister, we are far beyond the years of needing someone else’s approval.

This is YOUR motherhood. This is your journey.

If you want to work, work.
If you want to be a stay at home mom, do it.
If you laugh too loudly or people don’t get your sense of humor, who cares.
If painting or writing, or any other thing brings you joy, chase it.
If you want to breastfeed your baby on the subway, be prideful.
If you are quiet and people think you are stuck up, that’s their loss, sister.
If you didn’t bake anything for the annual bake sale, but managed to run by the grocery store to pick up cookies, set them on the table with confidence.

Stop apologizing. Stop worrying about what other people think. I know. I know. Heaven forbid we offend someone … GASP.

Obviously, if you have done something to truly hurt someone, by all means own it. Apologize. Do the right thing, but stop apologizing for things that are your choice.

Stop doubting your own decisions. Stop looking over your shoulder. Stop trying to please everyone else.

Because, people? Well, people are always going to have an opinion. I’m just at the point in my life where I can finally say – LET THEM and I think you are, too.

People aren’t always going to agree with you, in fact, some people aren’t going to like you for no other reason than because they can.

Is it fair? No. But it’s OK. Don’t be afraid to go against the tide; to do your own thing without question or hesitation. Do the thing that sets your soul on fire, regardless of what others think.

Be who you were made to be, not who others want you to be.

Because you’re never going to be everyone’s cup of tea, just like I’m not. But, those people? They aren’t your people.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm too much for some people. Too loud; too outspoken. I talk too much. I voice my…

Posted by They Whine, So I Wine on Tuesday, June 25, 2019


  1. While I appreciate the ‘ra-ra, its ok to be who you are and comfortable in your own skin’ vibe of this post, I’m grieved to feel the need to add that this attitude needs to be accompanied by temperance and compassion for those around you.

    My SIL posted this on her Facebook and it made me profoundly sad and a little sick. She suffers from untreated bi-polar disorder and makes my brother and their kid’s lives pure torment. Recently she threw my brother out of the house they rent (often free when finances are tough) from my MOM! She is now living rent free in a home that she has no claim to beyond the kindness of my mother and continues to lambaste my brother for all the things he ‘isn’t doing’, when she makes it impossible for him to do so. He only gets to see and help with the kids on her terms and screams at him when he can’t meet her impossible conditions. Mind you, he works 10 hrs a day 6 days a week and side jobs as a mechanic just so they can pay their bills, eat, and so that she can have anything her little heart desires as much as possible. Also, he was just diagnosed with a debilitating bout of RA. The guy can barely move most days. She hasn’t had a job since they got married, contributes nothing to the family financially but looses her cookies because he works so much instead of staying home with her and the kids.

    I have always felt uncomfortable around her because her OCD and judgemental attitude rolls off her like a toxic fog. She is angry because we’re not close with her kids but doesn’t seem to get that she makes being with them very uncomfortable. Everything we do has to be to her exacting specifications or else the hostility and innuendos sets in. Also, she has to be ‘in the mood’ for us to come visit, and has only visited us maybe 5 times in the past 15 years. Yes, we live 2 hrs away, but we make the trip all the time and try to include her and her family in the things we do when we are in her town.

    The parallel I’m drawing here where this post is concerned is that people like my SIL use this this kind of thinking to justify their abominable behavior. It’s fine to self advocate, to encourage self worth and to learn to love oneself, but if, in the process it hurts others it just becomes bullying and abuse. Yes, sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life, just be sure that the people who are ‘not your people’ that you’re alienating are definetly not the people who might actually have been you’re biggest supporters, if only you’d treated them respectfully.


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