My guess is that at least some of you are reading this late at night, unable to sleep. I see you. Solidarity, friend.
It seems there are two forms of sleep when it comes to moms – exhausted to your core, could fall asleep whilst hanging off a cliff naked with every crush you’ve ever had watching from below; or desperately wanting to sleep, but bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Why do we have such a hard time getting to sleep anyway? Well, we have a lot on our minds. Ever wonder what moms think about as they are trying to drift off to Dreamland?
Here’s just a small sampling of 10 ridiculous things moms think while trying to fall asleep
Is my kid going to wake up any second now?
If you have a baby, or a chronic waker (looking at you, my youngest child), the longer they have been asleep, the more on edge you get. Is there a point to falling asleep now if they are just going to wake you in ten minutes?
But what if you wait and they sleep through, you’ll have deprived yourself of sweet sweet sleep. It’s a crapshoot. The good news is, whichever one you choose, you’ll be wrong.
Did I sign that form?
Or remember to put that thing in the backpack? Or lay out that outfit for that theme day? Or anything else that will become important tomorrow morning? Mental notes are made, but we will still keep jerking awake with reminders.
Paw Patrol, Paw Patrol, we’ll be there on the double…
Or insert any kids TV theme, catchy jingle, or random 80s song here.
Am I screwing up my kid?
This is a big one. We all lay awake at night wondering this. Take heart, Mama – if you are awake at night worried about it, you probably aren’t screwing up your kid.
I’m just going to check one thing real quick…
Facebook. Email. Twitter. The news. Messages. Whatever it is, you thought about it so now you have to do it.
And you know you can’t check one without checking the rest, so have fun browsing Amazon, checking out YouTube videos, or getting stuck on the Wikipedia link chain until it’s three A.M. and you wonder why you are Googling “How big is the world’s biggest bat?”
HOW ARE THEY ASLEEP???
Your partner is asleep. Probably snoring. Jerkface.
If I fall asleep right now…
I will get five hours and thirty-seven minutes of sleep. Five hours and thirty-three. Five hours and twenty-nine. You get the idea.
I’m freakin’ starving.
I’ve just convinced myself that insomnia must burn a lot of calories.
What was the name of that…
Girl in that movie? Song I danced with that guy to in sixth grade? Guy I danced with in grade six….
Fucking Tooth Fairy!
Hey, don’t judge me, we’ve all done it. At least you remembered before morning.
Moms, get some rest. Put your phones away, put your heads down on your nice, soft pillows, close your eyes, and let it go…
…let it go, I’m one with the wind and skyyyyy. (Sorry.)