Pregnancy truly is a miraculous process, but an odd one, too. The changes that a woman’s body undergoes while physically growing a human being are often like something straight out of a science fiction movie.
Between the morning sickness, crushing exhaustion, fluctuating hormones, and your bladder being squashed like a grape, pregnancy can occasionally seem less like a miracle & more like, “Are we done yet??”.
The parents of Twitter are here to share the grittier realities of being pregnant; laugh along with them as they dish on the real pregnancy deal.
Here are 16 Funny Tweets About Pregnancy That Will Make You Question Your Life Choices
- Pregnancy truly is magical! By “magical” we mean suddenly having the magical ability to puke every.single.day. It’s awesome!
Of all the things that will make you puke repeatedly, pregnancy is the most magical.
— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) January 29, 2018
2. And the hormones? They can be…confusing. And dangerous- to others.
Pregnancy hormones make you want to either rip your husband's clothes off or his head off.
There is literally nothing in between.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) January 6, 2019
3. If it’s your first pregnancy, however, there are plenty of helpful books out there. Too bad they don’t include the really important stuff.
I'm not saying What to Expect When You're Expecting isn't a great book. I'm just saying it could benefit from a chapter on cocktail recipes.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 20, 2015
4. But if you’ve been pregnant before, your body snaps RIGHT back into it.
By my third, I was showing before the pregnancy test dried.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) September 17, 2018
5. No matter what number pregnancy it is, it’s definitely a roller coaster of emotions.
A YouTube video made me laugh until I cried, which quickly became real crying, then I coughed until I puked.
*waves hand* Behold pregnancy.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) December 22, 2016
6. And when people find out you’re pregnant, they immediately rush in with the, “Well, during my pregnancy,…” *cue eyeroll*
Being pregnant is the best way to get unwanted advice on literally anything.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) January 26, 2016
7. Basic tasks becomes a lot more challenging with that growing belly, too; you know, normal things that we take for granted when not pregnant, like breathing.
Other pregnant woman: I like to do yoga and an hour of cardio each day. It helps me appreciate the wonders of what my body is capable of right now
Me: I almost suffocated while trying to put my shoes on this morning
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 24, 2019
8. And the lack of energy is a real challenge… so is the constant peeing.
Told my hubs no more sex b/c I'm tired of pregnancy & losing control of my bodily functions. Then we laughed & laughed and I peed & peed.
— Sufficient Charm (@SufficientCharm) April 6, 2017
9. Nine months can seem like forever, but that last month literally is FOREVER.
Fact: the last month of pregnancy has 6459 days.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 17, 2018
10. Pregnancy can be rough, but we still manage to do ALL THE THINGS.
How could a pregnant woman talking on her phone while herding 3 additional children through a store notice I dropped my debit card and grab it for me?
Because Mothers are unnatural super human freaks who push the limits of excellence in the everyday routine of life.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) October 3, 2018
11. Even if you find the shoe, at 39 weeks of pregnancy you’ll need help getting it on.
That triple axel looked pretty difficult but have you tried looking for a lost shoe under your couch while 39 weeks pregnant?
-How I currently watch the olympics
— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) February 21, 2018
12. Even the end of pregnancy has its own unexpected “surprises”:
no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 20, 2016
13. Overall, pregnancy can sometimes be, well, ‘”eh”.
Yelp review for pregnancy:
Took way too long
Super uncomfortable & crowded
Aesthetically just very bad
— Sweatpants Cher ? (@House_Feminist) April 8, 2017
14. But seeing your baby’s sweet face makes it all worth it- until they learn to talk, that is.
Kids do this neat thing where they wreck your body during pregnancy and childbirth, then blatantly insult it from the moment they learn to talk.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 24, 2019
15. Another pregnancy can possibly be hazardous to your health- or your spouse’s.
My husband told me he kind of wants another baby so, you guys, I’m going to go for it, I mean, really, how hard can it be to do a vasectomy?
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) February 6, 2018
16. But babies sometimes have a way of being unexpected miracles, don’t they??
You don’t know fear until you think you might be pregnant the week before your husband’s vasectomy.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) December 11, 2018
At least you’ll get your body back once the pregnancy ends… bahaha! Just kidding.
Your kids OWN you now. This gig is forever. You may have carried their heart inside of you for nine months, but you’ll carry it -and go to the ends of the earth to protect it- on the outside for the rest of your life, Mama.