Yeah, you are having a baby! How exciting. Your days will soon be filled with snuggles and wet kisses and poop and an endless amount of toys. Just keeping it real here. The love us moms have for our children is like no other love we have ever experienced in your whole lives.
I am here to tell you, enjoy your life while you can because it’s about to get turned upside down! Just keep reminding yourself how much you love those little stinkers. HaHa.
Here is some advice on things to do before you join the wonderful world of parenting:
1. Babyproof your entire house and then babyproof it again
- You will be amazed at what those little boogers can get themselves into. Case in point: a seemingly innocent bin of books.
- Need I say more?!
2. Don’t buy any new clothes that you plan on wearing after the baby
- Everything is going to get covered in 1 of 3 things: poop, spit up, or baby food. And nothing will fit anyways!
- This is what they will look like after every meal for the next 2 years!
3. Take hour long baths or showers now
- Once the kid comes you will be lucky to have 5 minutes. I’m not telling who this happened to (me) but you might even have to choose which leg to shave instead of both.
4. Sleep now, as much as humanly possible
- Oh my goodness, sleep all day now if you can. No really, I mean it. I was so sleep deprived that I put my purse in the fridge one day and couldn’t find it for 3 hours!
5. Don’t plan on buying any new furniture for the next 10 years
- Everything you own will either be written on, spilled on, or broken by those little monsters.
- Yup, this was our living room coffee table for 4 years! 4 years people…
6. Your living room will become their playroom
- And so will every other room in your house for that matter. Remember that playroom that you so tirelessly put together after you pinned 1000 images to your Pinterest, they will never ever play in it!
- Toy explosion every day, all day!
7. Eat out as much as possible at the nicest, fanciest restaurants you can
- Once you have kids, Chuck E. Cheese might become the closest thing to fine dining you get. And with a number of broken crayons, spilled drinks, and food on the floor, you might as well just stay home. It’s not worth the aggravation or the money spent.
8. Enjoy eating your dinner hot and not having to share it
- By the time you serve and cut up everyone’s food, you might as well be eating a frozen uncooked dinner. And why do my kids always think the food on MY plate tastes better? Ugghhh.
9. Join a case of the month wine club
- You are gonna need it. Enough said!
10. Get used to everything you say being ignored (more than your husband ignores you)
- I never thought that this one was true until I had my own kids. I might as well just have a full conversation with myself. Nobody in my house listens. But you bet your bottom dollar if I whisper the word candy, everyone comes running.
11. Call your friends and talk on the phone for hours
- You will not get to talk on the phone for more than 2 minutes for a long time without having to play referee, get someone a snack even though they had one 5 minutes ago, or find a lost toy right that second or disaster will ensue. I’m telling you, I’ve given up on this one. I tell people don’t bother calling me anymore just text me.
12. Watch all the tv you can now
- It’s Barney and Sesame Street for you for the foreseeable future. And plan on watching the same show on repeat over and over and over again because “this one is my favorite.”
13. Listen to your favorite music on replay
- Ladies, it’s gonna be ABC’s and ring around the rosy for a while! Or they might play their own song with those cute little drums someone bought them. Remind me to kill that person! I don’t think all the pain reliever medicine in the world can cure that headache.
14. Buy lots and lots of stickers
- Let me tell you, stickers can save the day! You’ll see, trust me on this one.
15. You’re idea of getting “dressed up” will definitely change
- You will go from fancy dresses and super high heels to princess dresses and play jewelry in the blink of an eye.
16. Don’t bother buying all those wonderful educational toys that you see all over the parenting magazines
- They won’t play with them! They will be more interested in your 10-year-old pots and pans and Tupperware than anything else.
17. Timeout chairs are a joke
- They put themselves and each other in time out just to sit in the chairs. Wait until you try to be the one that sends them there!
18. The things you say you will never let your kids do will change after you have played duck, duck goose for the 10th time in an hour
- Never in my life did I think I would let my kids drive their toy car all over my house and scratch up my hardwood floors. After reheating my morning coffee 3 times, guess what happened? Yup, the car was driving all over the house. I convinced myself it was a moment of weakness.
19. You will see lots of food in a totally different way
- I never thought a french fry could be considered a lethal weapon!
By all means, this wasn’t meant to scare you. I just wanted to give you a good belly laugh and brighten your day. I would not trade being a mom for anything else in the world!
Yes, there are good moments and bad moments but remember we are all in this parenting thing together. Enjoy every moment of your new baby. Time sure does fly and pretty soon you will blink your eyes and they will be 18… Happy Parenting!!