Mom Cliches. More specifically, stay at home mom clichés.
So prevalent, yet so unnecessary. So offensive, yet so nonchalant, so exaggerated, yet in my case, so undeniably full of truth.
Becoming a mom is life altering but becoming a stay at home mom is a way of life.
It is a career change, it is a mind-set, it requires a certain skill set, and with it comes a few clichés that I have found are admittedly, perhaps embarrassingly, yet unapologetically true.
Coffee is fuel
The average American consumes 3.1 cups of coffee per day, according to a potentially unreliable source on Google.
So apparently we moms are in good company.
Back when I was an average American who was not a mom, I consumed this much coffee in order to feel caffeinated enough to sit a computer, or on the phone, or in person with other similarly caffeinated individuals to discuss topics like insurance.
Now, I consume this much coffee in order to ensure I am mentally sharper than my toddler tornadoes.
Without the caffeine, things get dicey. It is ironic that for as much coffee as moms drink, they are the only demographic who doesn’t get any alone time in the bathroom.
Stay at home moms live in yoga pants
There is no legitimate reason I can think of to parent in denim. Especially not the high waisted kind. With all of the bending, squatting, lifting, and carrying of babies and children, backpacks, and diaper bags, by the end of the day, I feel as though I have had a valid workout.
The fitbit on my apple watch does not know the difference. I might as well dress the part.
A mom’s car is never clean
Fact. Even if I were to implement a no snacking rule in my car, and let’s be honest in saying that if I did, I would never get anywhere because I bribe my kids to get in the car with food, my car would still be trashed.
Among the remnants of cereal bar wrappers, orange peels, and crushed goldfish, you can find stickers, tissues, as well as rocks and sticks.
The latter occurs because there are instances when we refuse to leave the park without them, and sometimes, I am not up for the fight. I once found a dog toy under the front seat of my car that belonged to a dog that isn’t mine.
I don’t have a “why” scenario to justify this.
Moms spend a lot of time at Target
The creator of this superstore had to have been a mom. I am convinced of this.
Target is a safe place, where moms can go, with or (preferably) without kids, to do all of the things, or to do nothing at all.
Target can serve as a pharmacy, a place to buy groceries, necessities for the home, and 90% of the time, a place to purchase Starbucks.
On the flip side, when I just need a destination, somewhere to go to get out of the house, or a change of environment where I can shop parallel to other adults, making me feel “normal”, Target has got me covered. In either scenario, I can’t get out of there without spending at least a hundred bucks.
Moms enjoy wine
I am a lead of the mom’s group in my neighborhood. The moms who attend these events, and are not pregnant, are typically drinking wine.
It is something I enjoy partly because it is truly for me. There is 0.000% chance that I will be sharing any with my children. Obviously. That would be illegal.
With the exception of coffee, there is very little, including my food, drink, and personal space, that I do not share with my children.
When I plan our mom’s group get togethers, I typically buy out most of the wine section of Trader Joe’s. Sometimes it feels as though there is not enough wine in the world to support that group.
Moms use a lot of dry shampoo
Let me be clear in saying that although this cliché applies to me, and many moms I know, it does not mean that moms do not shower.
Sometimes, it’s just hard to tell.
As a mom, a long and relaxed shower is a luxury, and it is a rare occurrence, especially during the week. When I am able to sneak in a quick shower, it does not always mean I will have time to wash my hair.
I have hair that’s down to my butt which means I will have lost 15 minutes at least.
I am aware that life would be easier if I cut it short, which many moms do to eliminate the hassle of dealing with it.
And although I am cool with contributing to the truth of all of these other clichés, supporting the early 2000’s Kate Gosselin hairstyle as a “normal” look for a mom is where I draw the line.
No judgement there though, she was a stay at home mom who managed to keep 8 tiny humans alive without completely losing her marbles and I’m pretty sure that is some type of superpower.
This post originally appeared on Sammiches & Psych Meds