6 Toddler-Related Things That Are A Bitch To Deal With


things that are a bitchThe other day I almost lost my shiznit multiple times. From the washer machine buzzing out an ungodly error code every three minutes to having an entire bag of trash bust open as I carried it down the steps, to say this particular day was a day from hell would be an understatement. This day was an epic disaster! Adding to the chaos was the non-stop movement of my toddler. She’s at the age where it appears she has 13 arms and can get around faster than the USS Enterprise at warp speed. Holy bat balls is it exhausting!

Being a mom isn’t easy, that’s for sure. And it doesn’t help that each and every day – regardless of the turmoil – there are certain things that nag at you and make you question your motherly sanity – like these 6 toddler-related things that are a bitch to deal with:

Pull-on diapers: Back? Front? Back? Front? Back? Front? How many times have you sat there rotating one of these mind melters before saying, “SCREW IT! I don’t care if you leak through!” I do this at least once daily.

Onesie buttons: There’s usually only three of them, but when you have a wiggly, whining toddler making the task of snapping them like an infuriating round of Twister, three quickly turns into thirty-six. And just went you think you’ve got them beat, there’s that moment…that…Are you f&@#ing kidding me realization that you snapped them incorrectly. Argh!

Spill proof sippy cups: My ass. There is no such thing as a spill proof sippy cup. Somehow, some way these supposed lifesavers will turn on you when you least expect it – like when you’re driving down the road and can’t actually “see” it happen or do anything about it. You just discover a wet, soggy child, seat and vehicle upon arriving at your destination. Or when you’ve just finished washing and waxing the floors. Here comes that inevitable sticky spot that your socks find oh so inviting.

One-latch car seat systems: Are you kidding me? After fastening like six latches, pulling and tugging at straps that seem to always get caught and trying to finagle your little bundle of monstrosity joy into the seat without smashing his or her forehead off of something, you officially have the “you can bite my snatch car seat systems”.

Toddler mattresses: Every other day I’m required to strip my daughter’s toddler bed and wash the blankets and sheets. If it’s not her spill proof sippy cup leaking all over it, it’s her new-found hobby of squishing food into the blankets requiring them to be thrown into the laundry. All is fine and dandy until it comes time to put the fitted sheet back on. The mattresses made for these beds fit so tightly it almost requires a crowbar. Trying to get the sheet on and the mattress back in without the sheet “puffing” off should be done under the discretion of a tall glass of wine.

Toy buckets: They all fit before she dumped them out, so what happened? Did the toys spontaneously reproduce? Did the toy bucket melt a size from the sun peering through the windows? Doesn’t matter, really, because the toys don’t fit now.

What would you add to this list?


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