The Sock Monster Does Exist



It occurred to me this morning that, in fact, a sock monster must exist. It must exist because there is no logical explanation for why I am wearing one red sock and one white sock and why Caden claims he has no socks and why Pontilicious is sporting knee-hi Christmas socks with 80’s headphones on them and why poor little Aless is subjected at this very moment to two socks of different sizes. Like Bigfoot or the Abominable Snowman, the sock monster is out there. We just haven’t been able to catch him on camera yet. What I have been able to catch on camera is pretty pathetic. These are my socks (the ONLY socks I have left to my name):


Below are the socks that Pontilicious had on about five minutes ago (until I insulted him):


Caden is so embarrassed he refused to let me snap a pic of his socks claiming profoundly, “No. It’s an invasion of my privacy.” And I take that shit seriously. I will not, therefore, put a picture of his socks on the Internet. Respect.

This is what I think the sock monster looks like:


Picture Courtesy of Caters News

I mean, he has to be a pretty sad beast if the most ferocious thing he does is steal socks. And he HAS to be aquatic – dwelling in washers everywhere.

So now begins the hunt for missing socks and sock pieces. We are desperate. Desperate for warm feet. Desperate to hide our unclipped toenails. And desperate to find that damn sock monster.

Is your house plagued by missing socks, too?


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