Covid Is No Joke But These Hilarious “CDC Says” Tweets Will Have You Laughing (So You Don’t Cry)

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Recently the CDC announced that people who test positive for Covid only have to isolate for 5 days, instead of the previously recommended 10 days.

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In a media release on Monday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said:

“Given what we currently know about COVID-19 and the Omicron variant, CDC is shortening the recommended time for isolation for the public.

People with COVID-19 should isolate for 5 days and if they are asymptomatic or their symptoms are resolving (without fever for 24 hours), follow that by 5 days of wearing a mask when around others to minimize the risk of infecting people they encounter.”

Additionally, the CDC recommends that anyone who is exposed to the virus who has not been vaccinated (or is 6 months past the mRNA second dose or 2 months after the J&J vaccine) should also quarantine for 5 days.

This should be followed by 5 days of mask use.

Anyone who has received their booster shot does not have to quarantine following exposure but should wear a mask for 10 days, just in case. 

The change comes nearly two years after we were first introduced to the hellscape that is Covid-19.

CDC Director Rochelle Walensky told CNN that the shortened COVID-19 isolation guidelines were based on what the CDC “thought people would be able to tolerate.”

And what people can tolerate right now? Are jokes. A lot of ’em.

While Covid itself is no joke, the tweets this latest announcement have inspired most definitely are.

The hilarious people of Twitter have feelings about the CDC dialing back on restrictions in the midst of a tidal wave of new infections (thanks a lot Omicron).

And it just goes to show, dark humor is alive and well. And also a very valid coping mechanism (just saying).

The Twitterati are trolling the CDC with an endless stream of false statements that are notoriously bad ideas and passing them off as the CDCs. Each one starts with “The CDC Says” and they are as ridiculous as they are funny.

(Also, they’re not true. Don’t follow them.)

Behold:

The CDC says vibes don’t lie… 

…And neither do Tootsie Pops.

The CDC says bangs are a good idea…

(Trust me when I say, bangs are NOT the cure to coping right now. Or ever.)

…and so is breakfast. So be sure to start your day off right – iced coffee and ibuprofen for the win.

But don’t forget the Tide Pods, they’re nutritious too. So are those silica gel packs.

As for the 5-second rule? It’s been updated.

The CDC says it’s okay to get up close and personal…

….closer.

And if it’s been 5 dates? Asking “what are we” is totally fine.

Want to know what else is fine? The pull-out method, apparently.

And while we’re on the topic of vajayjays…the CDC says it’s time to switch up your habits…

…And maybe go for a run.

Do the hokie pokie, and turn ourselves around…that’s what it’s all about.

Now that the quarantine has been reduced, the CDC says it’s time to get back to work.

After all, that’s what breaks are for.

Oh, and don’t mind the fire on your way in.

And forget about stop, drop, and roll, the fire’ll go out all on its own. Maybe.

The CDC also says my momma don’t like you, and she likes everyone.

Including the cat. 

Although this tweet was probably written by the dog.

Speaking of feeding animals…go ahead and feed Gizmo after midnight. It’s okay. Really.

Because of course it is.

I mean, it’s not like you’re going to die, or anything. Unless you watch the tape from the ring. Then, yeah, you’re totally gonna die. 

 

In all seriousness, we’re all sick and tired of this seemingly neverending pandemic. The people at the CDC probably are too.

It’s nice to be able to take a few moments and laugh, hysterically. (Because we’re all going slightly crazy.) After all, laughter is the best medicine and, quite frankly, waaaay better than crying. So thanks Twitter, for coming out to play and giving us all, not just the CDC, something to talk about. 

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