Dear Daughter, Here’s Why You Need to Stop Being Nice


My dearest daughter, you must know by now that my love for you is as big as the whole sky. You are barely eight-years-old and my heart is already bursting with pride from all you’ve accomplished.

Okay, so now that we got that out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff: Stop being nice. Wait, let me re-phrase that: Stop being TOO nice.

I guess an explanation is in order. Your father and I love that fact that you are a sweet and sensitive young woman. Our hearts melt every time you mention adopting all the doggies from that A.S.P.C.A. commercial. We are touched by the way in which you can always lift a friend up when she is down. These are wonderful qualities! Don’t forget this!

That being said, you need to be careful with that big heart of yours. You are the type of person that wants to be everyone’s friend. You are so trusting and pure.

Some people will take advantage of that kindness. They will try to tear you down as they build themselves up. Please don’t let this happen.

I have noticed it already. Last year, I saw how badly you wanted to be friends with a classmate. She was the one that ignored you when you said hi. She would giggle and whisper as soon as you walked away. She made you feel bad about yourself. I hated it. I really did.

Sadly, this is life sometimes.

As you continue to grow, you will notice that the world is not so perfect after all. Some people do not have the greatest of intentions.
That is their problem, not yours. I repeat: It is them and not you. Please understand this.

My little girl, in no way I am insinuating you need to stop being the wonderful person you are. However, I would love to see you add to your repertoire even more amazing personality traits.

Strength is one that I had in mind. It is so very important to have. In fact, I already know that you possess it!
Your inner strength will be a great asset to you during the most difficult times. When you are hurt, it is strength that will get you through the storm.

As a side note, did you know that you could be nice and strong at the same time? In fact, the mix of the two often results in a beautiful combination!

Your strength will help you to realize that it really wasn’t that bad after all. You will learn that some fights can be won and others can be walked away from. Still others were not even meant to be fought in the first place.

Ironically, your kindness is what is going to lead you to building that strength. You are so good about your respect for others. You deserve to save some of that respect for yourself.

Please remember that in no way am I asking you to be so tough that your world becomes dimmer. There is a happy medium. You will find it. I promise.

You need to keep these two assets close by at all times. Keep them together. Let them go hand in hand. Strength and kindness can exist as the best of friends.

Next time someone mistreats you, think about what I said. Have the strength to walk away. Keep the strength to not let what is negative overtake you. Bounce back. Learn from the experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong in protecting yourself. In fact, it is a necessity.

I may have mentioned that I was a lot like you as a kid. I wore my heart on my sleeve. When I got hurt, I felt it deeply. I didn’t always understand the world around me. Time is what helped me along. I got older and wiser. Through this, I learned another important lesson. I learned that I would survive. You will too.

I guarantee it.


Kathleen Sullivan is a freelance writer and a full-time mom. Her work has appeared on: The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Brain, Child Magazine, Mamalode, Grown and Flown, Your Tango and Parent Co.  You can find her on her blog,


  1. Loved your article!! My daughters are also the ones that are “too nice”. I’m proud that I raised them to be kind and loving, but I am slowly trying to teach them that strength can also a wonderful asset too. Thanks for the good read!


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