Here’s How To Make Your 2020 Halloween Suck Less


It’s almost Halloween! But it’s also 2020, so we might as well call it Corona-Ween. Maybe Hallow-virus? How about just plain Suck-O-Ween?

Anywho, no matter what we call it Halloween 2020 isn’t going to be like any ever before it.


Personally, I am sick of trying to stick the round peg that is life in the square peg that is 2020. So I’m not going to be making any ‘COVID-costumes’, or working out a ridiculously complicated schedule with neighbors that allows my kids to go to a couple of houses. NOPE. I’ve got enough on my plate thanks to 2020.

Plans for Halloween 2020

I get it, people loooove Halloween. I’m pretty much ‘meh’ on all holidays, so I don’t really catch the fever so to speak. All the holiday shenanigans I throw together are for my kids, I can mainly take it or leave it. Which makes Halloween 2020 so much easier for me! Sorry to all the fanatics out there.

So what am I going to do for Halloween in the buttfuck of a year? Lemme break it down.

There are 3 things all kids love: Candy, no bedtime, and no rules. I’m pretty sure I can make anything awesome.

Here’s my plan:

Buy a crap load of candy and hide it all over the house.

I’ll buy some and leave it in a bucket outside as well just in case, but I’m going to buy the really good stuff and litter my house with it.

I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to tell them about it or let them figure it out on there own, but either way, it’s going to provide a heck of a lot of amusement.

I’m secretly looking forward to my kids thinking they’re getting lucky and sneaking the candy.

Halloween movies

No limits on screen time today! Hell, let’s even break out some of the good ones that my kids shouldn’t even be watching. Stay up until midnight watching Hocus Pocus? Sure!

It’s not like there’s a whole lot happening the next day. Halloween 2020 comes with no bedtimes.

Weather permitting a Halloween 2020 fire in the back yard

This is just plain fun anyway. Usually, on Halloween we’re running door to door or answering the doorbell every 30 seconds, so this is actually kind of a cool opportunity. Get a nice fire going, grab some flashlights, maybe ask Alexa to play some spooky music…and just see where it goes.

Give the kids free reign with the decorations.

This can be a month-long thing if I want it to be. Normally I care a little bit about the decorations with trick or treaters coming and all, but not this year!

I’m going to drag out that Halloween box and turn it over to the tiny humans.

Do they want spider webs in their rooms? Cool.

Does Kid 2 want to carry around the crow skeleton again? Have at it. Go nuts, kids!

Halloween 2020 is at home anyway, so make it what you want it. There are no rules for Halloween 2020.

In house costume contest.

Call me an asshole if you want to, but I’m not buying anything but candy for Halloween 2020. Including costumes.

If your house is anything like mine you have character pajamas, a random Pickachu mask, stormtrooper costume, and a Han Solo’s gun belt lying around anyway.

This year the kids get to make shit up. I’ll dig out my watermelon cat socks and pumpkin shirt too and we’ll call it a day. I can hand them some old eyeliner and really turn up the heat if we’re feeling crazy. Pirate Pickachu Solo in the house y’all!

Halloween 2020 will be what we make it. 

So yeah, Halloween 2020 might look a lot different, but I think we can still make it awesome.

So if you’re one of those Pinterest moms looking to sew a mask and automatic hand sanitizer spray into your kid’s homemade Raggedy Ann costume… good for you!

I’ll be at home throwing fun size snickers at my kids while they run around in clothes that make no sense and eyeliner on their legs.

To each their own! Happy Halloween!


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