Hey ladies, want to know how to keep your man? Lose weight, wear make-up and perfume (because otherwise you’re ugly and you stink), lay off the sweatpants and flip flops, and ALWAYS be in the mood for sex.
I know, I could barely even type out the words.
And yet, this is exactly what Pastor Stewart-Allen Clark preached to his congregation at the First General Baptist Church in Malden, MO last month.
I wish I was joking.
In 22 minutes of sexist, misogynistic bullshit, Pastor Clark gave his female parishioners a lesson on how to keep their man from straying.
***Extreme trigger warning ahead.***
Although no longer available on his church’s website, thanks to the internet gods it lives on. Reagan Williams shared the video on her Facebook page where it has gone viral.
She explains that Clark exercised “pastoral abuse towards women” and captioned her post in part with:
He goes on to blame women for the actions of men and says it is of God and it should be accepted as normal. Instead of teaching men and boys to take accountability for their actions and control themselves, he degrades women, victim blames, and points the finger at their mere existence.
Having watched the video myself, there’s a lot to unpack. So let’s do a deep dive, shall we?
Clark kicked off his sermon with the words:
“I want you to know a need that a man has that he won’t ever tell you about, but since I’m the preacher man, I’ll say it.”
Oh yes, pastor Clark, please do. ***bats my eyelashes, and twirls my hair***
“Your man needs an attractive wife.”
Don’t give him a reason to be “distracted,” ladies.
“Don’t give him a reason to be looking around, hello!”
Because men have zero self-control, apparently. And they’re visual beings. “You just don’t understand how visual men are.” You don’t understand.
A man NEEDS a beautiful woman on his arm. It’s “really important.”
Which is why Clark questions:
“Why is it that so many times That women, after they get married, let themselves go?”
He concedes that women don’t have to be the “epic trophy wife of all time,” like, say, former first lady Melania Trump. But they should at least strive for a “participation trophy.” You may not look like Melania…
“But you don’t need to look like a butch either.
Hey, here’s something you need to know. You need to know this: men have a need for their women to look like women.
Sweatpants don’t cut it all the time huh. Wearing flip-flops and pajamas to Walmart, that ain’t gon’ work. Ain’t nothing attractive about that. It ain’t.
Men want their wives to look good at home and in public. Can I get an Amen?”
How about an “Oh hell no, you did NOT just say that?”
I don’t profess to be an expert on the Bible but I’m pretty certain that nowhere does it say, “Wives love your husbands by refraining from schlepping around Walmart in pajamas and flip flops.”
And he’s just warming up. At this point, he is only 3 and a half minutes into his sermon. There are another 19 minutes of this meta-level shit to go. Shocking, I know.
He goes on to mansplain that God made men to be drawn to beautiful women. They can’t help themselves. That’s how God made them.
“Now, you can call it juvenile. You can call it immature. You can call it sexist…”
Check, check, and CHECK.
“But here’s another secret you need to know, ladies, this is the way God made us, this is the way we are, men are going to look; he made us to look. You want them to look at you.”
But how do you make them only have eyes for you? Thank heavens for Pastor Clark because he’s about to help us see the light. Hallelujah! Are you ready for it?
That’s right. Control your weight.
It’s so important, in fact, that a friend of Clark’s put a divorce weight on his wife. Sounds like a real catch.
You want your man to look at you, “not some hottie out there.”
To emphasize his point, Clark revealed that when he did marriage counseling (which he no longer does, thank God for small miracles) he counseled a couple where the wife looked like a “Sumo wrestler” and the husband was “a little guy.”
At fault? The wife’s weight. He advised her to lose weight or lose her man.
He proudly reported his advice worked. Ten months later, she had lost a hundred pounds and she was pregnant with their second child. “Preacher man saved their marriage!”
Clark even went so far as to drag his wife into the conversation for “being robust” after each of her pregnancies and lord help her, I hope she’s googling divorce lawyers.
He informed his audience that his wife’s favorite expression is “Food never tastes as good as skinny feels.”
So yeah, if you want to learn how to be the “perfect wife” complete with an eating disorder, by all means, keep listening.
Additionally, ya’ll should “Praise God for makeup!”
“One little boy said to another little boy, why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they’re ugly and they stink.
You don’t want to be ugly and stink. You don’t want to be that, so wear makeup.”
Makeup does MIRACLES. Oh, and be sure to ask your husband what makeup THEY prefer, because, again, it’s not about you. After all, what’s important is that you “look hot” to your man.
Anyone else’s head about to explode?
Other tips include:
- Maintaining a hairstyle your man says looks good (which is long hair btw.) Nevermind your opinion or anyone else’s.
- Wearing clothes that flatter you. “Dress appropriately. Dress your age. Dress for your body type. Just look good for your man.” Otherwise, he’s gonna look elsewhere.
Because, you guessed it, “ladies, we can’t help ourselves. God made us this way.”
And as for sexual intimacy?
Clarke recommends that husbands put the following Bible verse (which, coincidentally is the ONLY Bible verse he quotes in his entire monologue) on their headboards.
Not only does he quote it, but he also adds in a “wooooo” and a “double woooo!” for good measure. He also conveniently glosses over the whole, “In the same way the husband’s body doesn’t belong to him…” part.
It doesn’t matter if you’re not in the mood. Forget that you’re exhausted. Overworked. Touched out. Stressed out. Emotionally drained. Or you just don’t want to. Do it anyway.
Body autonomy be damned.
“This is a need you cannot deny.” Or your man won’t be happy and he’ll look for it elsewhere. It’s just how God made him. He can’t help himself.
After all, having sex “is the main reason he married you.”
Forget love. It’s all about sex, baby.
And, lucky for you, he’s willing to sacrifice (to a point) and limit himself to only you. He’s restricted himself. For you. Aw, bless.
Not surprisingly, people had a lot of feelings about his unsolicited marriage advice.
I’m gonna need Stewart Allen Clark, the pastor who told women to slim down, pretty up and look more like Melania Trump to slim down, tone out, and look more like Henry Cavill. pic.twitter.com/YAZ7bDLWrC
— ?? Gretchen ?? (@GMWhitehair) March 6, 2021
There are over 4.6K comments on Reagan Williams Facebook post, including:
“This man doesn’t know Jesus. That’s all I’m going to say…bc it’s the nicest thing I can say.”
“I’m a preacher, and this guy is just stuck on dumb.”
“What an idiot.”
“Does he have a mirror? He’s clearly over the “divorce weight limit”. I hope his wife leaves him.”
“This is a joke right?”
And then there’s this guy:
Thankfully the Baptist church doesn’t agree with ol’ Terry. The Executive Committee of the General Baptist Council of Associations announced in a statement:
“The sermon included comments that are not consistent with the positions and values of General Baptists.”
Clarke is now under investigation by his denomination, is on a leave of absence, and is seeking professional counseling.
He has also resigned as moderator for the General Association of General Baptist meeting scheduled for July 2022.
You can view the entire trainwreck here.