Editor’s note: The CDC has removed this article on their website. You can see their statement about that here.
2020 was a shit year, amirite? I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us couldn’t wait for the clock to strike 12 on New Year’s Eve.
New year, new world!
And yet, here we are. It’s March. Again. Or still. I don’t even know anymore.
It’s been a full year of varying degrees of pandemic lockdown. ONE YEAR.
The good news is that so far 2021 has behaved itself (minus the whole neverending ‘rona). There are no countries burning, no giant hornets murdering, no locusts plaguing. The aliens seem to have returned to their planet and toilet paper once again lines the grocery store shelves.
Our apocalypse bingo card has been strangely empty.
Until now.
The CDC has just re-released their Zombie Preparedness campaign on their website.
Which makes you wonder, what do they know that the rest of us don’t?? ***cue X-Files theme song***
And yes, in case you missed it, I said RE-released because this isn’t the first time they’ve posted this apparently. The blog was first launched in 2011 shortly after the pop-cult hit ‘The Walking Dead,’ brought the walkers to television screens everywhere.
Now, the CDC is bringing it back just in time for 16th-century French astrologer, physician, and prophet Nostradamus’s 2021 prediction: the zombie apocalypse.
I kid you not.
Because just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse than 2020, the Universe said “Hold my beer.” And the CDC said, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse Edition, just in case.”
Hope they don’t run as fast as in World War Z.
— Ivanna (@Mex06271) March 4, 2021
SAME Ivanna, same.
Nostradamus didn’t exactly use the words zombie or living dead, or the undead, or apocalypse for that matter.
What he did say was this:
Few young people: half?dead to give a start. Dead through spite, he will cause the others to shine, And in an exalted place some great evils to occur: Sad concepts will come to harm each one, Temporal dignified, the Mass to succeed. Fathers and mothers dead of infinite sorrows, Women in mourning, the pestilent she?monster: The Great One to be no more, all the world to end.”
Interpret it how you will.
As for the CDC, they’re covering all their bases. You know, just in case. No matter that they use the words, and I quote, “That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this.”
When. Not if. When. Words matter CDC.
Included in its handy ‘Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse’ guide is a brief history of zombies, lesson plans for teachers, and a handy checklist of what supplies you should have in your emergency kit. No mention of a katana or a baseball bat named Lucille.
What The CDC does suggest are the following items:
- Water (1 gallon per person per day)
- Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
- Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
- Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
- Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
- Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
- Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
- First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)
The CDC also recommends having an emergency plan, “for when zombies start appearing outside your door step.”
For example, choosing “a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane.” And planning an evacuation route.
Because as the CDC states:
When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance!
Additionally, the CDC wants to remind people that they are here for you – even in the event of an undead infestation.
Should it happen, (or WHEN, as they previously stated) they will provide technical assistance, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control.
Scientists will also be working on identifying the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak. In addition, they will send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas.”
Good to know.
Although it’s always good to have a back-up plan…
Did not work out for them here: https://t.co/el0QiLjInr
— Howes Of The Rising Son (@R_J_Howes) March 4, 2021
Of course, all of these tips and information could be applied to ANY disaster, not just that of the walking dead kind.
Which is why the CDC has this campaign in the first place. They say that this “tongue-in-cheek” campaign is meant to engage a wide audience while educating people on all-hazards preparedness.
So no zombies. Yet.
The CDC don’t just release information on how to survive a zombie apocalypse for no reason..
— Jazzlyn ???? (@jazzy21454) March 4, 2021
Let’s face it, after the year we’ve had would anyone even be surprised? No. The answer is no.
In case you’re wondering what other predictions Nostradamus has for 2021, here’s a handy list courtesy of Strange Sounds:
Nostradamus terrifying predictions for 2021: Zombie apocalypse, asteroid crash, biblical famine, devastating earthquake and massive solar storms #predictions #forecast #2021 #Nostradamushttps://t.co/z8DCkwecCD via @Strange_Sounds pic.twitter.com/g8qLSAD8CF
— Strange Sounds (@Strange_Sounds) December 29, 2020
Looks like we’re in for another wild ride. You may want to prep your emergency kit. Just in case.