Here’s What You May Not Witness About What My Husband Experiences

I spent the last few days reading various posts on my multiple timelines. I have seen genuine concern about a senseless murder. I’ve seen outrage over loss of goods and property.

And a lot of well meaning posts in between.

I have a public Instagram (@mrskellycoleman) and have been able to make what I feel are meaningful contributions on there to the advancement of thinking, mostly in the realm of parenting and race.

However I felt compelled to talk on a more personal level.

I realize that many of you probably don’t have close personal experience with the life of a black person. And even if you did, you may not realize what their day to day looks like. How they just instinctively have to navigate life a bit different, with their color in mind.

Many in our community know my husband.

They know him to be mostly quiet and reserved. He is insanely smart and innovative. He is easily the most generous person I’ve met- even to a fault. You know him as someone that taught Sunday School faithfully at our church for 3 years.

Has coached our sons football teams and coached both our daughters basketball teams. He has coached many of your children as well. He is so patient and kind.

He served in our US Marines, served as a police officer and then again as a Federal Agent. He is in fact a Patriot!

Those are the things you do know about him.

What you don’t get to witness is this:

I still have to call and make reservations at restaurants. (White voice. White name)

I still have to call/ email on any craigslist/ offer up purchase.
(It’s shocking how reservations or items aren’t available when you call with your identifiable black name and voice)

Our first 2 houses I had to do showings with only me present! We repeatedly got turned down as renters when he came, and the house was suddenly available when it was just me, alone.

He is still to this day followed around stores (happened a few months ago in Los Angeles).

He doesn’t speak up when service people over charge him or mess something up, for fear of being brushed off as “angry”. In fact he doesn’t intervene in countless situations knowing he will be seen as a “threat”.

I have a million other stories, including having the police called on him outside our friend’s house. Can you imagine how humiliating that was?

This whole thing isn’t political friends. It’s real life.

When you are black, you have to consider a whole host of other issues than you do if you’re white. The question is: now that you know that, about a person you know personally, are you willing to allow it to continue?