Kids Can Be Life Ruiners. Some People Should Really Consider Not Having Them.

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When it comes to children, there are three kinds of people in this world:

A) those who adore them and can’t wait to have their own
B) those who think they are okay and aren’t quite sure if they want them
C) those who irrespective of whether they like them or not, don’t want to be parents.

As you can probably guess, the third category is the one that gets the most flak for being “selfish” or “unnatural”.

But here’s the kicker: we need more of these people because truth be told, kids can be LIFE RUINERS. One should really consider not having them.

Before you get all outraged, let me explain why.

People tend to have children for all the wrong reasons

In an ideal world, people would become parents only because they really, really want to take the responsibility of raising a child.

In real life, however, parenthood is far more complicated than that.

Societal pressure, following the herd, Fear Of Missing Out, wanting a ‘mini-me’, trying to save a relationship or find purpose or just a retirement plan…there are many illogical and selfish reasons why human beings decide to become someone’s mom or dad.

For some strange reason, very few people consider the reasons they shouldn’t have a baby.

After all, not everyone is fit to take care of one.

I wish there was some sort of mandatory parenting license that would educate and test folks about what all it takes to raise someone.

As Nikita Gill said, the world is crumbling, so only adults who are willing to do whatever it takes to protect, love and empower their children should be allowed to bring them into this world.

And then they suffer. 

Whoever said it takes a village to raise a child undersold how hard parenting can be.

Even if you have help, you cannot assign your role to anybody else. You have to spend at least the next eighteen years of your life focusing on their needs.

Everything changes – your relationship with yourself and your partner, the way you spend your money and time, your career ambitions and dreams, even the number of hours you sleep. It’s an exhausting rollercoaster with plenty of ups and downs – both physically and mentally.

With so much to sacrifice, many people feel entitled to mold their spawn into whatever they want them to be.

When the kids push back, parents get more controlling, and the former either rebel some more or give up and conform. Either way, there’s a lot of friction and resentment.

This tug of war would never happen if the young ones were conceived on the basis of unconditional love. And in the case of Indians in particular, without any expectations.

Ultimately, all that’s left is regret and broken dreams

I believe that over time, everybody figures out the greatest mistakes of their lives.

For people who reproduce for anything other than a strong desire to raise a kid, this is when things get super messy. If they have been living vicariously through their kiddos, they realize they shouldn’t have been so forceful.

If they were expecting their children to take care of them in their old age, they understand that no amount of guilt-tripping can guarantee they won’t end up alone. You get the drift.

If this sounds terrifying, it’s because it is. But here’s the thing: I am not an anti-natalist.

If everyone stopped reproducing, the population would eventually dwindle to an alarming degree. What I am trying to say is that one should only become a parent when they are fully informed about what they are getting themselves into.

This is one area of life in which you cannot afford to take a chance and hope for the best.

Finally, when people bug you about your decision not to be parents and warn you that you’ll regret being selfish later, ask them this question:

Is having kids mainly to take care of your needs and dreams selfish? Or is not having kids because you don’t want to dump your views and responsibilities on them selfish?

And then just walk away because you don’t owe them an explanation in the first place.

For Parenthood is a choice, not a compulsion. It’s relatively easy to give birth to a child, anyone can do that.

Raising that child is the hard part – something not everybody is cut out for.

As natural as it may seem, parenting isn’t for everybody.

So listen to your heart instead of your head before you say yes. If you don’t want that life, remember: you are under no obligation to reproduce.

Are you pro or anti-kids? Let me know in the comments below.

This post originally appeared at Mahevashmuses.com

4 COMMENTS

  1. Neutral. Prior to my kids, I was totally against it. But then when I had my first, it changed my view on everything. He made me want to have another and by 5 months after his birth I thought that he got “too big too fast”. So I did try for another. And then I had my 2nd baby. And through her, I changed even more. I wanted to get a higher paying career to give them an excellent quality of life and still live up my dreams (being an equestrian isn’t cheap at all), and left my dead beat ex husband. If I wouldn’twant my kids in an abusive relationship, why am I any less of a person? I should set an example and leave the horrible man.

    Now I’m working in a decent paying office position M-F, weekends off where if I needed to get a pet-friendly condo and raise my kids alone I could, and I am getting my bachelor’s degree in business in 2021. I already have a job position lined up for when I get my degree and then I’ll be making more than enough to support my two kids giving them the quality of life they deserve and live up my personal dreams.

    Would I have a third? I talked to my “Mr. Man” (he’s not the father and we’re not getting married until I’m done with school because I have grants for being a single parent) … we both agreed that if it happens it happens. If not, that’s fine. Not going to stress over it and resent everyone else that has a baby like one of my relatives did. I had 2 kids with my ex husband without really trying, and she’s almost 41, spent thousands on introveno fertilization with my uncle to no avail. So she literally disowned me out of jealousy for 3 years. (She eventually came around and we’re good now).

    Having a child is a huge responsibility and should take some serious thought.
    Prior to my son, I didn’t want any because I knew the cost. But once I had him, I changed a little. And then once I had my daughter, I changed even more. I became a person that really likes kids and grew a higher drive to do something with myself career wise, and be more careful with who will be the father figure for my kids.

    Having kids isn’t for everyone. I would be lieing if I said I NEVER feel like I bit off more than I can chew sometimes.

    But some people are destined to have kids for the better. I am one of those people.

  2. I like this article. Very informative on both perspectives. I like kids . My career is taking care of them. I prefer not to have children. I really like my life of how it is. I personally dont want the responsibility of taking care of one full time. I put all my love n support into the kids at work. I enjoy coming home to a less stressful day. I feel recharged the next day to put all my energy into them.

    I feel you are right, you have to feel it in your heart. Having children is a huge responsibility. No one should ever feel obligated to have children or just to fit into what media and society tells us to do.
    Thank you for perspective .
    Hope you have a wonderful day 🙂

  3. I don’t have kids, and at this stage in my life I am not going to have kids plain and simple.

    Being now in my 40s and child-less and still getting the looks of, “Oh poor you” “your not a mom yet?” & “just you wait, it could still happen” are just down right disrespectful.

    No woman should be judged just on her ability to reproduce offspring. Every woman, a mother or not, should be valued for their own unique qualities of personhood. No one, at any age 20s, 40s or even teens, should have to feel judged for their decisions on their own life and whether they feel they are the right people to parent another human.

    No matter your own decisions to be a parent or not I hope that you get to live your life to the fullest and without judgement for the choices you make for yourself. ?

    To clarify, I wanted kids when I was younger to the point that I married the wrong person just to follow that dream but then found that we couldn’t have kids together. I love kids, & have a larger family that fills my life with lots of young ones, they just aren’t my own. I strongly believe that before people start to pity or judge someone for their choices of being a non parent, they need to know and understand their circumstances and background into that situation, its not always a “choice” so the words of “concern & hope” often come across more painful than enduring than they planned as well.

  4. I am pro-kid after being anti-kid for quite a few years. The reason I was anti-kid (and I told this to everyone who asked) was because I was not prepared or willing to handle the responsibility of raising them. Only in the past 2 years have I started to desire to actually RAISE a child/children and help them become functioning adults. Always hated people telling me when I was anti-kid that “I was young and I would change my mind one day” (regardless of if they were correct about ME changing my kind in the long run, it was beyond annoying because my life my choices and you, ma’am need to stop trying to change mine or ANYONES opinion about that) or “you’ll regret it” or any of those stupid things people say to people who don’t want children. It takes all different kids to make the world run people! Without non-parents, who would watch our children when we didn’t want to? Lol. Thanks for the article, may God bless you.

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