It’s been another off day; a day filled with stress, let downs and constant interruptions from every conceivable angle. As a result, I feel unproductive, brain fried and otherwise sagging in the middle.
Days like this put me into those moods when I begin to question everything, including my worth as a person and effectiveness as a mother.
Am I doing the best I can by my kids? Do I spend enough time with them? Have I done anything of value that I will remember when I am lying on my deathbed? Morbid, yes, but I think this way when I get into a funk (if you’re a regular, you know this about me).
I also have a tendency to start beating myself up for not being “good enough”, whatever that is, considering IT is subjective.
Today, I’m beating myself up for not being more aggressive in getting my manuscript published five years ago.
Instead, I let harsh commentary by potential agents get the best of me and I shelved the project. I gave up! I’ve been beating myself up for hours for not taking their advice and constructive criticism and putting it to good use. I have, however, been inspired by the APE community to resurrect my book and consider self-publishing. I just might set this as a 2013 personal goal. I would love to see the story come to life in print – digitally or otherwise.
This afternoon has been a bit better. I was able to get past a nagging administrative issue, which lowered my overall stress levels. I’m also taking part in another type of community – one that teaches you through various activities that happiness is a skill you can control. I’ll post more about this soon.
At the end of the day, I really need to stop beating myself up when I’m feeling vulnerable and stressed out about so many other things. I need to learn to step back, take a few breaths and turn the negative thinking into something positive.
Are you beating yourself up over anything today?