It’s funny how we have to have sex to create life, but after we’ve created that life, the sex has a tendency to stop. I have taken a lot of heat on social media for some of my posts and videos about sex after kids, so here is my defense. With three kids, a full-time job, the house, the activities, and life beating me in the head with a baseball bat, I have to admit that sex can be the last thing on my mind when I get into bed. There are nights when I look up at the ceiling and my thoughts race around like cats high on crack-cocaine. The last thing I want to do is roll over and diddle his fiddle. That’s right guys, I can think of a million others things to do than play peek a boo with his pickle, mind-blowing I know.
With Valentine’s day being right around the corner, I was talking with my friend about what she planned on getting her husband for the holiday. Our conversation quickly turned to the boudoir. I hate traditional Valentine’s day gifts. If I get one more homemade coupon book offering “Back rubs” that never actually turn into back rubs, I will flip. We decided to be adventurous this holiday and we sat at my kitchen table and fired up the old inter-web. We headed to Adam & Eve and started to explore. Neither of us had to get out of our jammies to find the perfect gift for our Valentines. Everyone knows I hate pants, but this was awesome! We decided that we were going to knock our husbands socks off this year. You know the socks; the dress socks that they sometimes forget to take off. Ugh.
Here is our conversation as we browsed Adam and Eve online.
Me: I am so glad we can do this from my house.
Friend: I know. Coffee. Jammies. An appliance I actually want as a gift.
Me: I know, right! Remember that blender you got a few years ago?!?!?!
Me: I don’t really understand tassels. Why is that fun?
Friend: You would need breasts for tassels.
Me: Right. Touché.
Friend: Omg what is that for? Like where do you put it?
Me: I can think of a few places.
Me: Can I have that? I might need that.
Friend: I think we all need THAT.
Me: Why does that light up? It’s like a night-light for your va-jay-jay.
Friend: The better to see you with my dear.
Me: I don’t think you should put that in your mouth.
Friend: I don’t think that is for YOU to stick in Your mouth. But I’m not 100% sure.
Friend: Batteries are very expensive. Like HOLY CRAP!
Me: Just steal them out of the remote control cars you got the kids for Christmas
Me: Why do you want to swing from the ceiling? That doesn’t seem safe. I am not sure that my homeowners’ policy would cover that.
Friend: Perhaps we should start in the beginner’s section.
Friend: I think I will pass on anything that clamps. You know, I have the sensitive skin.
Me: Agreed. I like having all of my body parts clamp free.
Me: This costs how much????
Friend: I’m kinda worried the credit card company will call when they see this transaction. That will be Awkward.
Me: Wait! I have a promo code!!! I love the internet!!!
Me: Why are there diamonds on it? You know where I’m going to put it, right? I don’t need diamonds in there.
Friend: Why wouldn’t you want diamonds in there. Let that thing sparkle.
Me: Why does it need to be waterproof? Are we planning on swimming?
Friend: The shower, you idiot.
Me: Oh, that makes a ton of sense.
We each bought a few items for the upcoming holiday. A marriage without sex, equates to being roommates with a bunch of kids. The point of this entire rant is pretty simple. Sex changes after you get married and birth babies, so keep it as interesting as possible. There is no shame in a healthy sex life.
Take this holiday as a reason to spice up your love life. Check out Adam and Eve, an amazing online store that is offering some ridiculous promo codes for Valentine’s Day! Right now you can get 50% off 1 item and free shipping on your entire order with PROMO code: PASSION Not only do they have 24-hour customer service, they take returns – certain items may not be eligible for discount.
The best part about Adam and Eve is that we didn’t have to worry about Nancy from the PTA seeing my mini van parked outside the local “Adult” store. She would have spread my business from here to the county line, freaking Nancy. Trust me, I’m into PDA’s as much as the next gal, but as a Mom, a little discretion with my mailman goes a long way. Enjoy your Valentine’s day!