Man’s Funny Viral Video Shows How Complicated Paper Towel Math Is

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If you’re a parent, then you know that kids and paper products go together like… well, kids and spills. Or kids and urine.

Paper towels and toilet paper tend to disappear from the average household WAY too quickly; if you’re family is anything like mine, then you aren’t informed that there’s no toilet paper left until you find yourself on the bowl, staring at the empty cardboard roll hanging there, because KIDS

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But purchasing paper products for your family is no easy feat! And in a video posted to his page, Facebook user JJ Hodge hilariously nails the hidden complexity of choosing the “right” paper products.

There’s math involved, folks.

And I’m not talking about your run-of-the-mill addition and subtraction here, either. Paper towels and toilet paper packages feature some sort of complicated roll-size comparison scale that requires higher-level division.

Maybe fractions. Decimals, even. The sort of math that I scoffed to my ninth grade math teacher I’d never need to use in the future, so here’s a public apology to Mr. Smith since being a responsible, paper towel-purchasing adult apparently DOES requires it.

JJ Hodge explains the dilemma as he scans the vast array of paper towel packages.

As you’ve undoubtedly witnessed yourself, each brand boasts on its packaging that its rolls are equal to this many rolls in size, and that is different from this brand that has rolls that are 2x larger than this brand…

Wait… what? Can we use paper and pencil for this word problem? Maybe a calculator?

We try to be savvy shoppers. But as JJ points out:

How am I supposed to comparison shop when everybody has their own unique measurement for how much paper towel is how much paper towel?

EXACTLY! Check out the screen-shot below; and keep in mind that this represents only two of the plethora of paper brands available in your average store. 

6 rolls = 8 rolls? But no, it actually = 10 rolls?? And you can save .50? But are you really saving .50? What does this MEAN?!

JJ Hodge then pans the camera to another brand, requiring not just math, but a suspension of all things logical:

Over here, we’re just straight-doubling; ok, 6 is 12, and 2 is 4.

They might as well throw an x=2y into this equation, because at this point, that would make as much sense as the companies seem to use when creating these estimates.

Two more paper towel packages, and JJ is as lost as the rest of us in what he’s reading:

6 was 9 but now it’s 10 because 8 equals 11 but now it’s 12.

What.Is.This.Black.Magic, paper towel people???

More towel choices, and more confusion ensues. And JJ sums up our collective angst about it:

I just- there’s stuff that’s wet, and I don’t- I just… 2 enormous rolls is 5, but, so it’s a roll- I don’t want to do this.

Nailed it! Because chances are, if I’m shopping for paper towels, it’s because there is a massive spill already in my home, or one lurking in my future. And let’s face it- no matter how many sheets of paper towel are on a roll, chances are that a kid wiping up a spill will use 2-3x the number of sheets actually required to do the job, anyway. 

And back to the store we’ll go, again, to go through this complex mental calculating. Again.

But it’s not just paper towels that require this advanced mental processing. If you’ve depleted your stash of emergency paper napkins in lieu of toilet paper, it’s time to take on the TP numerical conversion table, too.

How about those MEGA rolls, huh? Go big or go home is this package’s mentality, apparently. So in toilet paper parlance, 18 rolls actually equal 72 rolls. Bigger is better, right?

Well, no, not in every case.

That’s not even gonna fit on your toilet paper roll without rubbing the wall & just being inconvenient.

Truth, JJ Hodge. It’s hard enough for me to convince my family members to replace an empty toilet paper roll to begin with, and buying one that creates any sort of difficulty will bring their participation to a grinding halt. Nope!

With over 20K shares of his video, it’s clear that many people can relate to JJ Hodge’s struggle to process the mathematical calisthenics involved with buying paper products.

We parents have a million things to do on a daily basis, and stocking up on toilet paper should not be this exhausting.

And don’t even get me started on trying to incorporate a coupon into this mental mathematical mess!

When you realize you're in a word problem, and the train is traveling at 2 double rolls per apple.

? JJ Hodge ??? 2019?1?2???

 

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