Never Driving YOUR Car Again


driving your car

We’re finally a two-vehicle household! Thank gawd! Since Pontilicious now works away from home, it’s been rough being stranded all day. This past weekend I finally got to drive the newest member of the family, a Chrysler 300.

PONTILICIOUS: Are you sure you can drive this?

ME: I’ve been driving for almost 25 years, I think I can handle this car. Plus it’s just an automatic. Any dummy can drive an automatic.

(backing out of parking space – get dangerously close to another car)

PONTILICIOUS: OMG! You’re driving this like you would the Hummer. You can’t turn like that.

ME: Sssshhh. I’m just getting a feel for it. Relax.

(driving down the road a few minutes later – hit a pothole, we all go flying upwards)

PONTILICIOUS: Are you kidding me? This isn’t the Hummer! You can’t hit every pothole you see, especially not the ones the size of the Grand Canyon.

ME: You’re exaggerating. That was more like the size of a small pond.

PONTILICIOUS: It doesn’t matter. This car was not built for offroading.

(slowing down at light – someone runs out in front of us)

ME: I suppose that was my fault, too, huh?

PONTILICIOUS: What the hell? He almost ran right into the side of the car! Roll down your window, please. I’m going to say something to him.

ME: No.

PONTILICIOUS: Fine. Caden, roll down your window?

ME: He can’t. I just put on the window locks. You are not yelling at someone while I’m driving.


(took the turn into Wal-Mart a little too fast)

ME: I know! I know! I’m not driving the Hummer!

PONTILICIOUS: Actually, I was going to say, nice maneuvering. Now THAT you can do in this car. The Hummer would probably tip over.

ME: I’m never driving this thing again.

(big smile on HIS face)



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