NWS Strikes Comedy Gold When Their Hurricane Tracker Resembles A Penis Invasion


Hurricane Florence is making its way towards the East Coast, and people in its path are scrambling to prepare. Residents on the storm’s path rely heavily on current storm tracking news updates, & each update can generate additional stress & anxiety. Hurricane season is typically no laughing matter.


I say “typically”, because when the National Weather Service POSTED AN UPDATE of Florence’s projected wind forecast, the results were both extremely phallic AND hilarious.

Upon first glance, you might intend to check the color-coded wind speed scale for relevant areas…. until you notice that based on this schematic, Hurricane Florence intends to make some sweet love to the Carolina coast (or hard, intense love, if the bright red coloring is any indication).


Hurricane Florence is a big ‘ole peen. And it’s doing the nasty with North Carolina.

In case you missed it, there’s the helpful arrow to illustrate just how “deep” into the land this phallic storm plans to go. Based on this sketch, it seems like just the tip will be hitting… and yes, that’s what she said. At least it’s using protection- or so it appears based on this helpful diagram.

A safe sex storm, apparently.

Now as any seasoned social media user knows, it’s the comment section of such posts where the true comedy gold lies. And this weather forecast visual was no exception.

Looks like this storm will be a “quickie”.

Does size matter? The weather woman knows the difference. And so do the rest of us.

Seriously, people. A premature ejac- I mean, EVACuation might be warranted here.

The timing of this storm could be better. Maybe if the hurricane had helped with the dishes, or put the kids to bed… just saying.

How about dinner first, Florence? Maybe some drinks?

Everyone knows that pulling out doesn’t wor- oh. Too late. Prayers would help now.

I’m pretty sure this guy just won the hurricane-related Internet today for this one. Because this took effort. And a lot of dick-related puns. And in case you missed it, the commenter helpfully pointed it out: PENIS.

Hurricanes are serious business for those in the storm’s pathway, and securing your safety from an impending one is no joke. But we can thank the National Weather Service for the unintended hilarity. I’m not sure who approved this diagram, but I’d like to thank them, because the responses are so, so worth it.

So stay safe! Load up on supplies, because Hurricane Florence is coming. And based on the diagram, it’s going to be a big, wet one, coming in hard and fast… and will hopefully at least call North Carolina later.

Editor’s note: We all know that hurricanes are potentially devastating and deadly natural events, and are not to be taken lightly. While the storms themselves are extremely sobering, this weather schematic is a welcome moment of levity. Our thoughts are with all of those that are affected by Hurricane Florence at this time. 

Ignore the specific numbers as they will change & likely increase, but based on the latest NHC forecast here's where the…

Posted by Hurricane Tracker on Tuesday, September 11, 2018




  1. We all know just the tip can be just as dangerous and full on penetration inland…. Life isn’t fair ya know.
    And please… it’s 2018. I know nobody was assuming Florence’s gender because it’s obvious he has another name he’s like us to use… he just can’t express it to us. Open minds people!!!!


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